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Newest Member: Jasnah (61860)

User Topic: Does the cycle end
♀ 25280
Member # 25280
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been 4 years since D-Day within that time I have been depressed ,angry,numb, beyond belief with grief and back to angry again. These have been the worse 4 years of my life-WH had an affair with our friend and my mother and father passed within months of each other, I marvel at the fact I am still standing. Lately I have been having disturbing dreams again about WH and the OW--almost every morning I think back to some of the horrible things she said to me-how she taunted me with their affair and I have these panic attacks where I am literally pacing the floor and wringing my hands-occassionally I call my Wh and scream out I am not doing well-but as he is very busy at work--100 feet in the air he cannot really talk to me. Sometimes by the end of the day I am able to calm down but it usually happens again after a week or two. I cannot think of a trigger that has caused it but have found myself crying and feeling badly again-as I did when the affair was first revealed. It's been 4 years-when does the cycle end. How do I stop it, I'm so tired and beat of the emotional roller coaster-my husband has tried and tried-he can't change what happened and has tried to be more loving and do so many special things for me-It's not him anymore it's me, my inability to let go. It's a tortourous road. I feel an intense anger towards OW and WH again-I thought i resolved it to a certain extend but it's back again with a renewed intensity. Even when there our happy times there is always an underlying sadness about our M it never fully goes away. I don't want to be a negative person but I have to be honest about what I feel or don't feel. Maybe I'm clinically depressed or something-I haven't been to a therapist in awhile-I plan on making an appoinment.

Posts: 80 | Registered: Aug 2009
♀ 32826
Member # 32826
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am only two years out. Although I think this will be in some ways with us always but to that degree I am not sure about.

I have seen it Takes 2-5 years to get better. I would guess I am on the five year plan. Maybe you are also. Hopefully someone more wiser will respond. I just wanted you to know you have been heard.

BS me
WS him
OW my former friend and neighbor
Dday 1 2/20/11
Dday 2 3/08/11
Dday 3 3/05/14 {Fully Disclosed every lie}
Two little ones
Married 19 years at the time of dday 1

Posts: 209 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: USA
♀ 17801
Member # 17801
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I cannot offer much in the way of advice on how to move past this stage. We are at the 5 year mark and I thought I had gotten past everything, but the past year has been hell. I don't have the luxury of my WH working fully on it. I think you had so much happen all at once. The idea of going back to therapy is a great idea. They may be able to help you get to the bottom of it.
Good luck!

D-day #1 - 1/14/08
D-day #2 - 2/14/08 - Broke NC
"It's Over with OW" - 3/14/08
Forgave WH - 12/17/09
In R - going great!

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: West
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for posting this topic. I am only 14 months out from DDay and feel the same way. The cycle is exhausting and sometimes I feel like getting a D just so the PTSD will stop.

My WH doesn't understand why I still feel this way, but he takes it and keeps putting in the work.

So sorry you feel this way after four years (((mattie)))

Just a quick question did you ever receive any IC therapy for just you? I know it helps me out with a lot of my processing.

Just read that you were in therapy before. So my question has been answered

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 3:44 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

BS/FWS (me):44 Madhatter
WS/BS:47 Serial Cheater
Together 20 years, Married 16
DD(14) DS(11)
DDay(s) Too many to count
False R 7/11/14 Same OW2
"Never seek validation from those who are unworthy."

Posts: 4132 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 4

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