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I just got back from visiting my parents..in CA (we are in Ohio). It was just the kids and I. My husband stayed home to work. I was a nervous wreck about leaving him by himself. I did download a spyware thing on his phone, which did help ease my mind. The closer it got to the time for me to leave, the lesser I worried about leaving him. I only checked the spyware online twice, the entire time I was gone. I thought for sure I'd be checking it numerous times a day. I missed my husband, but I didn't. I forgot to call or text him numerous times when I said I would. He constantly texted me throughout the day letting me know how much he missed the kids and I and he's going crazy without us (we were gone a week..the longest my husband and I have been away from one another). I don 't know. I could've stayed gone longer. I was in no hurry to get back home to him. When our plane landed, he sent me a text saying where he had parked, and that he was all smiles and so giddy to see us. I had no feelings whatsoever. I was happy to see him, but not the feeling I expected to have. I didn't jump all over him. I just wanted to get in the car and go home. I did hug him, because I know he had missed me so much.
We get home, and I start unpacking, and we hardly talked. I went to bed straight after unpacking (we didn't get home until about midnight). I had no desire for him to hold me or anything. These feelings are confusing the heck out of me. What does this mean? I wish I had the money for a counselor

(((woman)))

Maybe you needed a "break" at least from the day to day seeing DH and being reminded of the A. I think it's a normal part of R to have this push/pull of wanting to be with them and then wanting to get away from it all. Sending you strength.

My h's been away for work and I've felt like I can finally breath. I agree. There are a lot of confusing feelings that come with this. Counseling has been helpful. I know some communities have free or sliding scale counselors. Have you tried calling the health department to see if there are any resources available to you. Best of luck.