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betraydtwice posted 4/24/2013 21:11 PM

We argued this morning because I caught him in a lie. I told him I can't move on if he keeps lying to me. I left and went to my mother's.
I came home and he was gone, all his stuff, his cars everything..gone.

Guess I don't have to wonder anymore...:(

Jrazz posted 4/24/2013 21:14 PM

I'm so sorry.

You know, the most excruciating thing about trying to reconcile is the wondering. Wondering if they're still lying, wondering why they're still there....

You never have to second guess that he's an asshole and you need to move your life in a healthier direction.


betraydtwice posted 4/24/2013 21:15 PM

Thank you Jrazz

mchercheur posted 4/24/2013 21:18 PM

At least its crystal clear.

sending you strength

Jrazz posted 4/24/2013 21:19 PM

I know it's easy for me to say and probably doesn't do much for your hurting heart. Sending you thoughts of strength and big hugs. Take care of yourself.

karmahappens posted 4/24/2013 21:20 PM


I am so sorry!

If you can surround yourself with people who love and support you it will help a bit.

Take care of you. Eat, drink try to take a walk here and there...and make sure to get some sleep.

I hope you know this is not your fault and HE is broken...

(((hugs))) come here to vent when you need to....

And...FTG, cowardly actions!

[This message edited by karmahappens at 9:20 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

wontdefineme posted 4/24/2013 21:30 PM

Wonderful that you finally see what was in his head that you couldn't see. BUT, being abandoned and rejected does harm to us and we have to come to the fact that WE kept our promises that we made even after they betrayed us. So instead of hanging on to his failings, hang on to what you did right and know it wasn't personnel. If he had married someone else, he would have done the same thing, something missing inside him that made him turn and run instead of fighting for his family.

Take care of yourself, because the healing will happen, it will take time, don't hurry, learn and grow stronger, and know the further away you get he will become a distant memory. Like the song says, "just somebody that I used to know!"

Theradin posted 4/24/2013 21:39 PM

I'm so sorry for your pain. We've all been there.

I can say this, though, at least the 'tough' decision wasn't yours. In a way (you may not see this right now), he made it MUCH easier for you, instead of stringing you along and continuing to lie to you.

I know, it is very painful right now, but at least it's finite. That is, you don't have to stay and wonder for the rest of your life.

Take his opportunity to focus on yourself, to build yourself, to make you the woman you desires to be. This is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself right now.

Be strong. Hold your head high. You did NOTHING wrong. This is 100% him. His loss.

gonnabe2016 posted 4/24/2013 23:08 PM

I'm sure that it doesn't feel like it right now, but his leaving is a really large *blessing in disguise*.

It's kind of like removing a band-aid. It's going to hurt regardless of which method you choose. You can either just rip that sucker off--and see stars and scream really loudly for a few minutes, or you can remove it millimeter by millimeter--while the tears roll down your face and the pain seems never-ending.

Both ways suck.


isadora posted 4/25/2013 01:12 AM

I know this hurts.

you will survive this. Hang in there.

SBB posted 4/25/2013 06:56 AM

My own False R ended just as abruptly.

It was the kindest thing he had done to me in 5 years. So sad. So true.

His lack of remorse was a gift. It took me a few months to see it as such but it really was.

But that's for later. Right now you are hurting and hurting bad. I remember it well.

Please be gentle with yourself. Read up on the 180/NC and stick to it.

monster attempted many fishing expeditions in those first few months and I had to shut him down completely. It was very difficult and painful but I swore to myself that I would never go through this again. Never.

Try to focus on you right now. Look after yourself. Eat, keep fluids up, make sure you get some sleep (I averaged about 2.5 hours a night in those first few weeks and it made this all much harder to cope with).

Know this - lots of us have been right where you are now. It gets better. A whole LOT better. It won't always hurt this bad.


k9lover1 posted 4/25/2013 07:20 AM

My guess is that he'll be back. This is all part of the trickle truth and drama that surrounds confrontation.

What you should be doing is taking this time to seriously think about what you want, not what he wants or your neice wants - what do you want. Look at your marriage objectively and decide if it's worth R if he returns (and my guess is he will).

Time to form a plan on what you want the rest of your life to look like. If he returns, he either falls in line or moves on.

tushnurse posted 4/25/2013 07:59 AM

I second K-9 on this one, and add one more tid bit.
He left, he made it clear he's gone by taking his stuff.

CHANGE THE LOCKS. Whe he realizes that it's not all sunshine and roses and shows back up, you dont' want him in your home. Meet on neutral territory from this point forward to discuss anything.

Please take time to care for yourself.
((((and strength)))

hopefulmother posted 4/25/2013 08:56 AM

Happy and sorry for you at the same time. I hope you have a great support network to hold you through this. I wish we could just reach out and give you a big hug and real shoulders to cry on.

Jrazz posted 4/25/2013 12:56 PM

Thinking about you today.


SoVerySadNow posted 4/25/2013 12:59 PM

I'm so sorry. I agree, change the locks for your own peace of mind.

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