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Anger has entered the building (vent)

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sparklingwater posted 4/25/2013 04:21 AM

Well after a month of emotional hell, followed by a week of numbness I am today experiencing intense anger. Apologies but I have come here to vent.

18 months ago my bf moved states in Aus to come live with me. 5 weeks ago he had a bad motorbike accident, after a drinking night, following being retrenched from work. Subsequently during his month stay in hospital I discovered his 8 month history of being on multiple sex sites, advertising for sex hook ups, and of phone contact he had with a prostitute. I was totally shocked, and thought we had a happy relationship (even though intimacy wasn't really his thing).

Now I just want him out of my house (and life). I can't get over the fact some of the naked pics he took to advertise were taken on MY lounge. He is using my internet and I don't know what he is doing on there. I want a safe house for myself and my son and he is no longer a safe person to have around. He is still not well enough to travel so it will be a few weeks yet until he goes back home, as he still has broken bones, muscle flap and 7 broken ribs. He has had little support (ie 1 phone call) from his family. That is pissing me off too. I feel like I am responsible for him because he has noone else here. He is using a lot of narcotic pain killers which is concerning.

I just feel like I am in a big mess. I know I have to be patient until he is well enough to go home but it is killing my spirit. I am walking around in a daze and this anger today surprised me. I felt like throwing dishes, but I didn't want to clean up mess

The other thing is I have tried asking him WHY. He can't seem to give me an answer. One time he said "it is not me, it is my online personality" and another time he said "I just fell back into doing the things I was doing before you and I got together". To me these are pathetic answers and he shows little remorse. He doesn't want to talk about it.

Please Please let this next month go quickly

SBB posted 4/25/2013 04:45 AM

You are nicer than me. I would be kicking him out so fast his arse would sting.

It is highly unlikely that he spent 8m on sex hook up sites without actually hooking up.

Even if he didn't hook up he was trying his damnedest to.

Change the password on your PC and don't give it to him.

Or if you need further proof, install a keylogger on the PC so you can track what he's doing.

He did it because he's a broken fucked up piece of shit. That's the only why that will make sense here.

If you don't have a choice about him staying then try to still 180 him if you can.

Does he know you want him out and out of the relationship? Is there any chance of R from your perspective? If not then you don't need to talk to him at all. He'll be gone in a month and you can reclaim your life again.

((sparklingwater)) What a shit situation. I'm sorry honey.

sparklingwater posted 4/25/2013 05:32 AM

I have seen everything he has been doing on his laptop so I don't need to intall a keylogger, I just desperately want him out of my life. I know this will happen in a few weeks/month but it is killing me having him here.

Yes, SBB he knows we are well and truly over, I am just trying to keep the peace as much as possible but basically don't interact much with him, except to help him shower and cook his meals.

He sent me into such anger this morning when he yelled at me for not having his pain meds next to MY BED which I am letting him sleep in while I am on a mattress on the floor in the spare room. I felt like yelling back at him "you useless piece of shit, get the fuck out of my house, why should I get stuck looking after your cheating ass."

SBB posted 4/25/2013 06:21 AM

Can you talk to the hospital about what kinds of resources they have for this kind of situation?

I'd also reach out to homeless shelters - explain your situation and that you need him out of your house.

What would have happened if you weren't around? Hospice or something?

I'd be getting him out of your house ASAP. He is no longer your problem.

Would he be sheltering, feeding and bathing you if you had done this to him?


Just the thought of doing that right after DD makes me shudder.

I know you want to do the right thing here but how long are we talking? A few weeks? A few months? No - if its more than a few weeks he'll need to find a Plan B.

Perhaps put an ad on his beloved hook up site.

"Useless POS, lying, cheating bastard seeks full time nurse - I won't be paying a cent nor lifting a finger and in fact will tell you off if my meds aren't exactly on time. Call me".

sparklingwater posted 4/25/2013 06:26 AM

lol, thanks for the laugh I love the ad.

Should only be a few weeks or a month at the most. I will hang in there. My conscious wouldn't let me to dump his ass in a shelter.

Thanks for your reply.

TrustGone posted 4/25/2013 10:32 AM


You are a very sweet person for even letting him come back to your home from the hospital. I would have left him there to figure it out on his own. Thank goodness he will be gone before long and you can get on with your life without a cheating liar. It looks like the Karma bus got him early and hopefully when he gets back home it will run over him some more. He lost a good thing when he lost you and I would spend the next month reminding him of that on a daily basis.

sparklingwater posted 4/25/2013 14:12 PM

Thanks TrustGone, yes that karma bus certainly had his name on it.

Must Survive posted 4/25/2013 14:42 PM


I don't know the laws where you are at, but would he have any renter's rights after a certain amount of time? In my area, if someone is staying at your home more than 30 days, you are in a tenant/landlord situation and have rules to get rid of them.

sparklingwater posted 4/25/2013 16:41 PM

MS, he hasn't been renting. He has been living with me. Where I am at after 3 years living together you are classed as defacto.

sparklingwater posted 4/26/2013 18:03 PM

So this morning I see on his email account he has signed up to POF and Oasis Active dating sites.

WTF!! He has still got multiple broken bones and he is joining dating sites??? Not to mention the fact he is still stuck in my house.

I have now banned him from using my internet which I pay for, and told him we are going to book his flights today to get his sorry ass out of my house.

Grrrr!!! After all I have done for him. At least wait until you are out of my house.

PurpleRose posted 4/27/2013 08:52 AM

I think it's time to call his "family" and tell them he has 3 days to vacate the premises. DONE!

Letting him abuse you even further is ludicrous and out of line. Get his broken ass OUt!

gahurts posted 4/27/2013 10:44 AM

I think it's time to call his "family" and tell them he has 3 days to vacate the premises. DONE!


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