holding on is normal at this point...you feel like you are closing doors completely at D.
but you aren't. your WW has made it clear that she doesn't get it. sometimes they think you won't actually leave them. sometimes when you do, it shakes them and reforms them. usually not, but often, getting serious about leaving is the only thing that works. (not faking serious...actually serious, in your bones).
you know when XH started to really turn his life around? the weekend i filed our final papers. too late. plus, he's still delusional, just more responsible. a little.
if there is a slim chance for your M, any chance at all, i'd say it will come from her finding out that you will dump her...when she finds out that her crazy train isn't so "intoxicating" to you that you stay even as it kills you...that the way she acts isn't good enough for anyone real.
it probably won't. but divorce isn't death. if you guys are "meant to be," divorce can't stop that. in fact, IMO, if a WS isn't willing to work their fingers to the bone, on their own, for a year AFTER D to win back the BS, i don't believe they are serious about it anyway. i don't think they should all have to do that...but i believe they would have to be willing and capable of it in order to be real in R.
little steps. if everything happens for a reason and you are wondering what "sign" this delay might be - maybe this really just sets you up for a better position in the D, money wise. or maybe you are setting yourself up for a final blow that will knock off the crazy train. or...maybe you need just a little more detaching and it's on the way.
if she's still not remorseful, more of the same is not going to snap her out of it.
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac