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kchip posted 4/25/2013 06:26 AM

Hello

Maybe I need a 2x4. Ugh, so sick of all this mess.

Yesterday, I learned that our judge tossed my WWF's d because her idiot lawyer filed a turkey. My attorney said it would by me some more time under my new dramatically reduced income so I told her to motion for dismissal. Basically, my pay is 1/3 of what it has been the last 3 years and the new pay only started last Sept.

So last night, stbxw calls. I figured it was about the judges action. It wasn't. But for reasons I still don't understand, I told ww not to refile it and take this 'pause'.

She is remorseless, justifying, and blameshifting beauty.

But I still feel that she is in there somewhere.

Her lawyer's a real POS. He filed the d without her actually even signing the petition and has done everything he can to inflame the situation. Funny, its almost like he filed this thing to pad his hours!!!

So I asked her to call the bum and tell him to hold off - and we can let things cool off. I give it a 1 in 7 chance.

Anybody else go to brink and pull back? In my head, I know this is over. Why did I say hold on???

I'm at 9 Mon post dday. I want to get off this crazy train.

allatsea posted 4/25/2013 07:43 AM

You're holding on because despite what she's done to you, you desperately hold out hope that she will come to her senses and realise she's made the biggest mistake of her life. I'm in that place too. However, each day she remains living with him, is another that moves me further away. I filed today. Filing and proceeding with it makes you stronger and it proves to her and most importantly YOU, that you do have some say in all this and you're not weak and feeble. Holding fire is prolonging the hurts

[This message edited by allatsea at 7:43 AM, April 25th (Thursday)]

stretch13 posted 4/25/2013 08:28 AM

holding on is normal at this point...you feel like you are closing doors completely at D.

but you aren't. your WW has made it clear that she doesn't get it. sometimes they think you won't actually leave them. sometimes when you do, it shakes them and reforms them. usually not, but often, getting serious about leaving is the only thing that works. (not faking serious...actually serious, in your bones).

you know when XH started to really turn his life around? the weekend i filed our final papers. too late. plus, he's still delusional, just more responsible. a little.

if there is a slim chance for your M, any chance at all, i'd say it will come from her finding out that you will dump her...when she finds out that her crazy train isn't so "intoxicating" to you that you stay even as it kills you...that the way she acts isn't good enough for anyone real.

it probably won't. but divorce isn't death. if you guys are "meant to be," divorce can't stop that. in fact, IMO, if a WS isn't willing to work their fingers to the bone, on their own, for a year AFTER D to win back the BS, i don't believe they are serious about it anyway. i don't think they should all have to do that...but i believe they would have to be willing and capable of it in order to be real in R.

little steps. if everything happens for a reason and you are wondering what "sign" this delay might be - maybe this really just sets you up for a better position in the D, money wise. or maybe you are setting yourself up for a final blow that will knock off the crazy train. or...maybe you need just a little more detaching and it's on the way.

if she's still not remorseful, more of the same is not going to snap her out of it.

tesla posted 4/25/2013 19:15 PM

Get off the crazy train.
You will be fine.

I get procrastinating the D for your financial benefit...but holding out for a "1 in 7" chance that she's going to figure out that she's the conductor of crazy train express? Stop torturing yourself.

We hang on to that hope because our brains are programmed to hang on to attachments. Take a leap of faith, cut the attachment. I promise you, the other side is much more peaceful and fulfilled.