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To all WS. I am no expert

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hurtmywife27 posted 4/25/2013 07:35 AM

To all WS.. In the beginning it will be why? Like one person said to me you are referring to you (I) I see most of the new WS on site do this. I am now on a roller coaster and wish to get off. This Month has been an emotional ride for both of us. But one thing we have learned and I had to except. My 28 years with my loving wife has been devastated To us. All the Ys all the what ifs, what did you I do ( meaning all of us) will not help your bs. There world came apart, yes through your remorse and pain, you can help. But help will be limited. Don't look to you BS for comfort or help unless she or he offers it. Get help ( period) do research get books, see a therapist, I don't like IC but that's my personal after my sons ordeal they are drug stores. If you are a multiple cheater and you are serious about saving what you may or may not have.. Seek Help!! This month has been a wake up call for me and my concern is getting help and being there for my BS. God bless and hope all you can find peace and comfort.

[This message edited by hurtmywife27 at 7:39 AM, April 25th (Thursday)]

Aubrie posted 4/25/2013 15:46 PM

There are three things that have to heal post-infidelity. The BS, the WS, and the marriage.

As a FWS, it's hard to stand by and watch my husband's struggles. Thankfully they are fewer and farther between, but there are still times when it will slap him in the face when he least expects it. And it breaks my heart every time to see him struggling.

The tough one we had this week was in regards to an emotion and behavior that I showed in a very unhealthy manner for 8 1/2 years. When I express it, he automatically retracts into a shell. Do I have a "right" to feel emotions or to express myself? Absolutely. But past behaviors have...traumatized him in a way. Part of it stems from his FOO. I will have to be very careful for a very long time. I have to express myself differently and he has to learn to understand where I'm coming from as well.

I made as pretty stupid choice having an A. I don't care how awesome a relationship can be post A. Both individuals (the BS and the WS) will carry the scars for the rest of their lives.

needhelp123 posted 4/25/2013 16:16 PM

I think that's well said Aubrie. All the work you do has got to be for yourself. The marriage is scarred. I feel that we have a real oppty to move forward with a better skill set. But that takes 2 and sometimes the destruction is just too much.

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