It's time for him to feel the shock of having lost you. He can't miss you until you're gone, and you're not "gone" because you're having sex with him.
[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 9:40 AM, April 25th (Thursday)]
Read about the "180" in The healing library, in the upper left corner. I believe it is under the BS questions. It will help you to detach and build your self-esteem. It is very helpful to the BS who has an unremorseful WS or one that is still cheating. Try it and see if it helps. Keep posting, there are lots of BS here to help you through this. (((HUGS)))
A lot of times you will read here about the WS who SAYS they want to reconcile, but their actions are inconsistent with that statement. But they do it because it sounds like what they need to say to give the BS hope and keep cake-eating.
Your WH can't even verbalize to you that he wants to attempt to R, and is saying he doesn't know what he wants. Do you really want to be with someone who can't even, unequivocally, tell you that they want you and your marriage?? Like I said, many WS will say it and not mean it when it comes down to it...but this guy can't even say it.
He is telling you straight up, you are a backup plan...one choice of many he has. Is that what you really want to be??
And suddenly I see...what I lost ain't no loss.
-Richie Kotzen, "What I Lost"
You may want to also post in the reconciliation forum if you want different opinions.
I know that you didn't want any of this...and you sure as hell don't want to make the decision as you didn't do anything to warrant even considering a divorce decision. But at the end of the day...what are his actions telling you?
Fuck his words.
Fuck his confusion, indecision...whatever.
If you are giving him time to decide if he wants to reconcile, you need to NC and 180 his ass so he gets a picture of what life without you is like. Do not let that mother-fucker cake-eat.
I should tell you, I swear a lot, but mean all this in a gentle way...cake-eaters just really piss me off.