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Family therapy, requesting your opinions on communication

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Helen of Troy posted 4/25/2013 10:02 AM

How much do you disclose about your feelings if the reason for the family therapy session is your teen? If you're there to help the child then do you save your own emotions for individual counseling? If not, then how much do you share?
This may sound odd but for certain issues and treatment, you aren't supposed to discuss certain things. There is no manual or educational material, it's only if you do or say something "wrong" will the expert or therapist then let you know.
I don't know how to express my feelings of burnout and over responsibility, how x blames me and I feel watched where he will send nasty emails about my parenting even if he isn't there to witness it, and how owife called dcf THREE times on me and each time reports were found false. How this sense of feeling like I'm in prison with regards to parenting and doing it all alone. Most families have 2 parents when a kid transitions back to home. I don't have that luxury, plus I have a full time job and part time school and another child who gets jealous of the "attention" given to the sibling, then deliberately acts up, even if I try to give her compliments and one on one time with me, etc.. But, crissakes I'm only one person. How much of that do I disclose if it isn't my session but a family therapy session?

Kajem posted 4/25/2013 11:10 AM

Who will be in this family session?

You, and your children? Is your X included?

It sounds like your X is doing his best to instill fear of retribution in you. Are you afraid he will go for custody of the kids?

Parenting from a place of fear gives someone else the power in the dynamics. At leas that was how it was with me. I kept trying to make him parent... he wanted nothing to do with parenting, he wanted to be fun. It created a difficult dynamic when my kids were teens. He had no rules in place that they had to adhere to. Heck if I were a teen, I would want to live there! When they were in my home the attitude they had at X's was alive and well and made me miserable. I was the adult, I should have had control... and I couldn't figure out how to take back control. My kids were treating me like there dad treated me. It sucked.

Can you meet the counselor in private with the idea that you want this therapy to goal oriented? And ask how do you bring the issues you have?

Hugs,

K

[This message edited by Kajem at 11:17 AM, April 25th (Thursday)]

Sad in AZ posted 4/25/2013 12:08 PM

for certain issues and treatment, you aren't supposed to discuss certain things. There is no manual or educational material, it's only if you do or say something "wrong" will the expert or therapist then let you know.

I find this extremely troubling; once something is said, it can't be unsaid, so how is this approach even helpful??

If the therapist can't guide you beforehand, I would stick to topics that can be resolved by the family members present. Your feeling overwhelmed, while a definite problem, is not something that your kids can alleviate. Perhaps you could present it in terms of "If I do this, I don't have the time/energy/ability to do that" and let the kids brainstorm on what they find most helpful from you.

As far as feeling watched and tormented by your X and owife, those sound like legal issues. Perhaps you could get some legal counseling on how to deal with those idiots and not feel oppressed by them.

Good luck; I can't imagine how difficult this is for you. (((((wgb)))))

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