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Online Marriage Counseling or Programs?

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PeaceLove187 posted 4/25/2013 10:20 AM

My H aboslutely refuses counseling and I'm starting to see a lump under the rug where all this is being swept so we have to do something. Has anyone done any online programs? Are any of them any good? Your reviews or recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

SisterMilkshake posted 4/25/2013 10:35 AM

I did one and was sorely disappointed. The counselor they assigned me wouldn't share her credentials. The advice from her was the same as what I got here at SI, and SI was better and free. This was through Marriage Sherpa. Don't waste your money on their program would be my recommendation.

Would your H do a Retrouvaille weekend? You don't have to say anything and can keep to yourself for the whole weekend if that is what you choose.

PeaceLove187 posted 4/25/2013 10:45 AM

Sister--I know you've mentioned Retrouvaille before and I could always try to get him there but I have my doubts. First, he's scared to death an outside person may see how messed up he is, although I know that's not what the program is about. Second, I believe Catholic school was one of the things that messed him up and he doesn't have good feelings about the Church. And yes, I know that's not what it's about either.

What he really needs is IC but baby steps here. Maybe if he sees benefits from a low-risk program then he'll move toward IC.

Knowing posted 4/25/2013 12:06 PM

We do video-counselling with our MC from the comfort of our living room.

Sorry, that's all I got. He doesn't want anyone to see how messed up he is? AA says self-sufficiency was a lie, the A is proof of that. There's no shame in seeking help, every body has problems! Good luck.

PeaceLove187 posted 4/25/2013 14:20 PM

Knowing--I was giving the reason I think he won't go to counseling, not the reason he gives. He claims it doesn't work, but obviously there's more to his refusal than that.

Knowing posted 4/25/2013 18:01 PM

Oh, phew! That would be really awful if he'd given that reason himself! There's hope then.

Has he ever done therapy? How does he know it doesn't work? Will you make it a condition of R? Or would you be willing to enter into MC with him first to get his feet wet?

What2Thnk posted 4/25/2013 18:13 PM

My fWH woudn't go to counseling either, and gave the same reason. That's not the reason and you should really think about making it a condition of R. If he is unwilling to fix himself, he's just a dry cheater, and he'll do it again.

Are you giving him conditions of R? Where are your boundaries?

doesitgetbetter posted 4/25/2013 19:24 PM

Not an online program, but it's something you can do from home and was very beneficial to H and I. IMAGO therapy from Dr. Harville Hendrix is amazing! It has all the dialogue elements that Retrouvaille does, but it also has the follow through and self exploration and resolution that Retrouvaille lacks.

You can get all the books online at someplace like Amazon, you can get the books and their partner workbooks (highly recommend both). I bought the entire set of ALL of his books and workbooks for around $65 delivered to my door just about 3 years ago or so. The books have titles like "Receiving Love" "Giving Love" and "Getting the Love you Want". I believe he also has some DVD's on his website that will help you through the process, but I don't know about those at all.

And, if you don't want to commit to buying them, you can also pick many of those books up at the library.

PeaceLove187 posted 4/26/2013 07:36 AM

DoesItGetBetter--thank you so much. That program sounds perfect and I'll look into it today.

Knowing--We went to family counseling for my daughter when she turned into an alien-abducted teenager, and the counseler fired him because he couldn't or wouldn't focus and kept going off on unrelated tangents. So I suspect IC would be a waste unless he's sincere about it but also I know I won't leave him over refusing so why nag? His prognosis makes our situation just a little bit different (I know, everyone says they're different!!).

PeaceLove187 posted 4/26/2013 07:47 AM

WhatToThink--I do have boundaries and they were put into writing but IC wasn't a requirement for several reasons. We had a few bumps in the beginning when he stepped at least a toe across the line but he's observed them perfectly since then. I'm convinced his heart is in R, not only because he loves me but also because he wants to go out of this world as one of the good guys.

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