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disillusioned12 posted 4/25/2013 10:34 AM

My STBX told me he'd give me 48 hrs notice of his return home. He lied. Why am I surprised? He is going to be back in town today and has no intentions of staying elsewhere. He is not respecting any of my boundaries. He insists on calling or texting and will not email. I am sick of his manipulations and power plays.

I am ready to fight. I refuse to become the emotional wreck that I was after D-Day and before he left in January. I am not afraid of losing him because I no longer want his selfish, lying, cheating, cowardly ass. Would appreciate some words of encouragement.

TrustGone posted 4/25/2013 10:49 AM

Do you have to let him return to your home? If you don't, then text him and tell him he isn't welcome there. Have you filed for D yet? If not get that started as soon as possible. The sooner you are NC, the better off you will be. (((HUGS)))

stretch13 posted 4/25/2013 11:59 AM

let him know there's a new roadside roach motel down the road.

it's time for you to make the power plays, disillusioned. bitch-panties - find 'em now!

if you can't change the locks for legal reasons, just add one. you can say you felt the need "for additional security while living alone" and he just hasn't been there to get a key. perhaps if he'd notified you in advance, you could have had one made...but as it stands, you weren't expecting him. let him knock, get loud, louder, louder, yell, say crappy things and then call the cops and tell them you are scared.

have you talked to anyone he works for? you know, the military isn't real cool with the whole cheating on/dumping your pregnant wife and then newborn, especially to diddle around with a MOW thing.

talk to your lawyer, but can you also take this to the military? is there a chaplain you could talk to? or a family advocate? otherwise, you could submit proof to his superiors and they'll probably take care of him rather neatly for you.

it sure seems like the "stringing you along til D" comment and others like it would mean you could keep him out of the house. in some states his admissions to you in writing would be grounds for establishing abandonment...making it legal to change the locks and have him removed from the property if he tries to assert anything.

((((disillusioned12)))) i really don't want to see this douche walk back into your house.

[This message edited by stretch13 at 12:00 PM, April 25th (Thursday)]

disillusioned12 posted 4/25/2013 12:23 PM

The only legal action I can take is to try and get a judge to award an emergency action preventing him access to the house. However, it is literally a crap shoot because there is no history of physical violence or threats of such. His squadron "knows" of the A, but not officially. They knew before I did. I have proof but have not submitted it yet.

My L doesn't feel I have any legal grounds to get orders to keep him from staying in the house. Luckily, I only have to deal with it for a month before he has to report to another state to complete his training.

Now that I am fully recovered physically and stronger emotionally from child birth, I am in a much better position to 180 his ass. Also, I have my mom here to help out and provide support.

My only regret is that I am not as detached as I want to be. I wish I was stronger about maintaining NC while he was away.

tesla posted 4/25/2013 19:38 PM

Ugh. Sorry you have to deal with this. Keep posting here, stay strong and keep thinking to yourself: "Fuck. That. Guy."

disillusioned12 posted 4/26/2013 15:57 PM

Well STBX never showed up yesterday so I am guessing he found a place to stay. He didn't tell me this, naturally. So I spent the day and evening on edge anticipating his return. Jerk.

He's coming over in a little while to visit our son. This will be the first time I've seen him since January. Why am I nervous? Trying to hold it together, but the tears are sneaking out of my eyes. It is annoying.

I hate all of this.

hexed posted 4/26/2013 17:34 PM


it all sucks! hang in there and let us know how it goes with him there.

Nature_Girl posted 4/26/2013 17:54 PM

What a dick. I hope he stays mostly away and plays fair with you.

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