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Struggling today

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HURTAGAIN1981 posted 4/25/2013 12:22 PM

I'm not sure what I really want to get out here.

I feel I cannot function today. It is day 2 of NC and I am missing him. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me as I ignored his last message yesterday morning. I am starting to feel bad for ignoring him. I wanted to contact him just to tell him that I am not ignoring him, I just cannot be in touch but I know it is pointless. I have also though of writing to him, ask him if he wants to talk, anything. Again I know it is pointless.

I try to keep thinking of the bad. But this whole thing has just made me feel anxious, nervous and sick constantly.

Considering all he did, I would think this would be easier. I just miss him. Throughout all this that has been happening to my mother, getting a message from him was the only highlight of the day I really had. Now that is gone too.

5454real posted 4/25/2013 12:42 PM

Gently, you are missing the relationship you thought you had. It was never real. He was just using you. When he found out you weren't an easy target, he moved on.

Please re read your previous post. He's looking/already found someone to submit to him. Are you really willing to be some ones sex toy?

You are worth so much more than that. I'm sorry that we can't be there to help you through this ordeal IRL.

I will offer you (((Hugs))).

Strength.

stretch13 posted 4/25/2013 12:53 PM

you are missing the relationship you thought you had. It was never real.

this is the heart and soul of your grief. for all of us. contacting him leaves you feeling awful because he isn't what you crave...he's just a biting evil insect inside the skin of what you thought was a man...and you loved that man...but it was just his costume. (((hurting))) we've all been right where you are.

[This message edited by stretch13 at 12:54 PM, April 25th (Thursday)]

Nature_Girl posted 4/25/2013 13:25 PM

You miss the false image of him that he projected for you. That was just a fake, though. It was not real. Yes, you miss it, but it was an illusion.

Go ahead & feel your grief. You're grief is real because you are real. Please don't contact him in any way, though. If you do you'll just set yourself back in healing, or worse, you'll take him back and then we'll be reading your posts a few months ago about how you're pregnant.

I know I keep mentioning "pregnant", but that's because I know what it's like to have children with a personality disordered sex addict. I don't want that for you. I want you to have a good life. So stay strong, stuggle here, but don't let that sick freak back into your life.

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