We are just past the one-year mark of d-day #3. We've been riding the rollercoaster and have had more highs than lows.
Until this last week. A trigger discussed with my IC has caused a huge wedge between my FWH and I. Somehow it's turned from a trigger to a belief of his that I will never forgive him and this is just another example of me holding onto the past. He has been remorseful and doing all the "right" things for a year now so why don't I feel like I'm ready to forgive him? Do I have to forgive him? I see his impatience and wanting me to "move forward" but I don't understand what I'm supposed to do. Not get angry when there's a trigger? Some I can deal with alone and get over fairly quickly and others make me realize I haven't really dealt with them but rug-swept.
Sorry I'm rambling. I'm so upset I can't think straight. I thought we were doing fine, the usual ups and downs of the rollercoaster but now I'm starting to think he's right, what he's done is just too egregious for me to ever forgive. How do I know when to give up? I want my marriage to work but I cannot stuff my feelings down.
We have MC today and I need to help before we go.