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Newest Member: mojorisin (61886)

User Topic: Need opinion/advice re: AP
♀ 37779
Member # 37779
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, it has been about 8 months since Dday. What a nightmare of a ride. But things are slllllllowly starting to feel more "normal." I'm not having as many meltdowns and my husband is doing everything he said he would do. The only thing that is holding me back is the fear of "is she pregnant???" FWH swears they used a condom, but I wouldn't put a lot of money on it. Even if they did, I'm worried it is still possible. We have not heard a word from her since DDay. FWH told her to never contact us ever again and she has obeyed. I sometimes will stalk her FB page and the most recent pic is one of her in a baggy black dress. That did not help my paranoia. I guess I'm just wondering if you all have had instances or heard of an AP hiding a pregnancy. She was psychotic- calling me at home at odd hours of the night as the affair was unfolding and my husband was trying to get her to leave us alone. My sensible side of the brain says she would have pulled the prego card a long time ago, but I still can't relax. Thanks you all. It helps my anxiety to just type this.

ME-BS 30s
HIM-WS 30s
1 child
Dday- 10/23/2012 : 2 month EA and PA (sex twice)
In R

Posts: 14 | Registered: Dec 2012
♂ 38622
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't worry about it. You have no evidence she is. Also if it has been over 8 months (assuming his A didn't continue after DDay) She would be busting out of any dress. Be glad she doesn't contact you guys at all.

I do this sometimes too but we got to stop looking the AP up. Whats the point. It isn't productive at all for healing.

ME-BS 34
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 37044
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh, welcome to the club! I have had bouts of extreme paranoia and fear that COW is pregnant. Honestly, I'm kinda holding my breath until mid-June (last possible Due date). There is some real wisdom in the idea that an OW will play the pregnancy card sooner rather than later. Rarely does an OW hide a pregnancy and usually they try to use it as part of their strategy in getting the WH to leave their BS, or inflict damage and pain.

We have to cling to the idea that so many OW fake pregnancy in order to get their AP's attention, why would an OW hide one? It's so rare!

BW, R last 4 years of marriage out of 15... FINALLY, HAPPILY DIVORCING!

We are in R.

Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi lotusflower12: Our MC gave us a handout about worries.

Box 1: Important: Can Control
Box 2: Important: Can't control
Box 3: Not Important: Can Control
Box 4: Not Important: Can't Control.

She suggested to me that I "worry" only about those items in Box 1 - Important and CAN control.

Right now, I see your worry as being in Box 2. Important but CANNOT control.

If this is true - if you are in Box 2 - the goal is to think about either a) gaining more control of the worry and moving it to Box 1 or, let the worry go.

Yes. Easier said that done! But if your H said they used condoms and if you cannot tell by looking at her if she is pregnant then...I see you as worrying about something that you have NO CONTROL over.

If she does turn out to be pregnant, then that is a different ballgame. But there are things you and your H can do to be in Box 1 if this happens. You can help control the situation in how it affects YOUR lives but there is nothing you can do about her pregnancy. You might even find some worries for every single box but remember - only deal with Box #1.

Not sure if you find this helpful. You might want to draw a box with 4 squares right now and fill each box with as many worries as you can and then decide to stop worrying about ONE item per box.

Time will tell but given the timeline...I would think she is NOT pregnant.

[This message edited by LA44 at 2:22 PM, April 25th (Thursday)]

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 3439 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
♀ 38851
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If she was pregnant, she would make sure you knew it!

Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 37735
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, come to think of it ( had not remembered this til now) , the OW in my first marriage (my first WH & I had no children & when he cheated, I divorced him )
pulled the pregnancy card within a few days of Dday, I am guessing as a way of trying to hold on to him. WH #1 did not end up staying with her tho. ( & I heard that she had an abortion.) After I divorced him, he went on to get married twice more, had children with them both, & cheated on them both.

Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011
Married 28 years/Together 29 years/4 kids together
OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids
Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be

Posts: 2508 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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