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betraydtwice posted 4/25/2013 14:31 PM

I can't believe he's gone. Won't answer my text and I can't really believe he would throw away 23 years just like that. His last ext was " I will love you always"

WTF?? Doesn't feel that way. I have to decide about a whole new future. I thought I knew my future...boy was I wrong.

He's 52 and apparently in love with MY 23 year old niece. WHAT!!!!!!

We were so close...where did it go?? Badly hurt, confused and just f*cked up in general.

Now what do I do?? Luckily its not really a monetary thing. Just a broken heart lol

And starting over at 48 wow I never would have thought...No more anger just PAIN

simplydevastated posted 4/25/2013 14:36 PM

WHAT! 23 yr old niece! Sounds like a mid-life crisis. Holy cow!

I'm so sorry your in pain, and receiving that text is just crazy. How can he say that and leave?

I'm so sorry, I wish I had something soothing to say to you.

(((HUGS)))

Skan posted 4/25/2013 14:49 PM

(((hugs))) You take him at his word. You go see a lawyer. You out him to all of his relatives, your relatives, and friends. You change the locks on your doors, and you focus on one step at a time, moving away from him. Detatch. 180. I'm so bloody sorry. He obviously has his head far up his back passage.

somanyyears posted 4/25/2013 14:57 PM

..skip talking to your crazy husband.. i'd try talking to the neice .. explain to her he's old enough to be her grandfather, and he's sure not 'sugar-daddy' material..

..she'll be bored silly in no time!!

..perhaps it will burn out in a week when they have their 'first'fight!

..i'd agree with the MLC 52/23 ??

..you are in the driver's seat now..

..lots of support here on SI..

..

Just a broken heart lol

..this is where the real day to day suffering lives.. the constant ache in my heart!

..wishing i was 48 again!!??

..go ahead and start over.. you've got another 48 ahead of you!!!!

live life..

smy

JanaGreen posted 4/25/2013 15:06 PM

He's 52 and apparently in love with MY 23 year old niece. WHAT!!!!!!

I'm so very very sorry. How horrible! Does the rest of your family know? I bet her parents are raising holy hell, as well they should.

betraydtwice posted 4/25/2013 15:10 PM

Thank you everyone for your support. It's really needed now.

That's my worry the loneliness and the constant heart pain. He did a number on me. Blindsided.

betraydtwice posted 4/25/2013 15:12 PM

Everyone knows, that is part of the problem. The asshole is embarrassed. He feels like it goes on and on. Big deal suck it up...YOU did it..live with it

JanaGreen posted 4/25/2013 15:20 PM

Well, when you act ridiculous, people are going to think you're ridiculous. Natural consequence. I'm so terribly sorry. Are you getting a lot of support from family/friends?

SoVerySadNow posted 4/25/2013 15:55 PM

She won't be asking him to go along when she goes to clubs with her friends, that's for sure.
Edited:I'm sorry to sound flip- they are totally in different worlds. He's delusional. ((((hugs))))

[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 3:57 PM, April 25th (Thursday)]

betraydtwice posted 4/25/2013 17:23 PM

Flip is fine..lol He can't go the stupid bastard has anxiety attacks LOL.

At this point I really don't know if he is with her. I know she is the cause of separation but I don't know if he is with her now though. One of the last things he said to me was he was not going to be with her. But then why leave me??

He says its because I always argue with him....Well HELLO, I just found out about her for sure, last month. Of course I'm pissed off.

Anyway, family tries but there is no comprehension of what I am going through

livebythesea posted 4/25/2013 17:28 PM

There is no sense to this at all! It is obviously a mid life crisis. His senses will come back, will it be too late?

Time heals, other than med, time is the best cure. Pray! Try it.

betraydtwice posted 4/25/2013 17:35 PM

So what do I do if he calls tonight ? What do I tell him?

Should I be distant, act strong?
Or do I let him know how I feel?

livebythesea posted 4/25/2013 17:50 PM

It is difficult to hold back. I know, I 've been living it for the past 3 weeks. I tell myself I will not reply to his text or answer the phone. And I do.

If you can, try some distance tonight. That is the best advice I can give you. Tomorrow you may feel a little bit different, and less agitated.

betraydtwice posted 4/25/2013 17:55 PM

Ok I will try. Who knows he probably won't even call. Haven't heard from him since last night. I texted him once and told him I wanted something he took back and I told him to let me know and I will get the rest of his clothes together for him. No reply

stupidgirlme posted 4/25/2013 20:19 PM

Alright, since you said flip is fine~~~~ When I first read your post, all I could hear cheering in the background was, "Jer-ry! Jer-ry!, Jer-ry!" They sound like an episode in the making. I agree that it sounds like a mid-life crisis. As for her, maybe she is just jealous of you and wants to somehow get back? You know that it can't last for long.

I really have no good advice, but want you to know how terribly sorry I am for you!

inlove67 posted 4/25/2013 20:51 PM

He sounds heartless and lacking in morals. I am so sorry that someone you love and trusted has put you through this. I am concerned for you niece as well. What is she thinking? Sometimes girls are nasty creatures finding self esteem in "taking another woman's man" but real men cannot be stolen I would most certainly advise her to get some counseling, as for him you are better off, just know no matter what your choice we are all here going through infidelity with you and support you all the way! (Hugs)

betraydtwice posted 4/25/2013 21:17 PM

OK so I just talked with him. He is not with her and I think his stupid infatuation with her is over. I think you guys are right about the mid life crisis. I feel like he's just realizing what he did.

He kept crying and telling me he misses me etc. I'm like well all it took was honesty. Don't know what is so hard about that.

Then I told him that I think we need a few days apart to think about things and he freaked.

I think this stupid shit between him and her is over. I think they were feeding each others ego. It was all phone calls and texts between them. My problem was all the lies. Hers and his and I think now he is waking up

Time will tell I guess

RockyMtn posted 4/25/2013 21:22 PM

Cut and paste and save Skan's advice. You might need it again in the future.

There is a forum in I Can Relate for double betrayals - anyone who has experienced the OP being someone they loved/cared about/trusted.

Lucky posted 4/25/2013 21:43 PM

Don't be so quick to believe it's totally over. She might not want him in the 'real world', his age might have been fun as a sugar daddy but as someone else pointed out, she's not likely to trot him around to her friends.

Pulling back and away is often a motivator & a defogger but take your time with this.

betraydtwice posted 4/25/2013 22:02 PM

ya I've been to that sight. I started there. Thanks though.

This "thing" was always was always emotional between them. I knew that but they have both been lying to me. I talked to her yesterday. She apologized and said we were only talking.

So I told her, if that's all it was then why all the lies and secrets? Same story from both of them..I didn't want you to get mad.

So instead you idiots went underground and made it look like it was more than it was.

Anyway long story short, she came clean yesterday and we are supposed to meet up on wednesday to discuss it more.
He now realizes about his lies. But he can stew for a few days and think about it more.

I needed to see where he was physically and emotionally, because when he left I had no idea where his head was at. Delusional idiot. He left and he's crying and dying..

He's so lucky I'm almost done my menopause...last year he wouldn't have lasted so long. LOL