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Topic: Mental NC?

pizzalover
♀ 38336
Member # 38336

Posted: 2:43 PM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013

I need help with this:

How do I have a mental NC with my AP and APBS when every day I'm talking about the two of them and the A with my BH? How have you been able to do it?

Trying to rebuild each day

Me - WW 39
Him - BH 40 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - sweet cats

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
D-Day - 1/24/13
Affair started 5/09

Posts: 627 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Pennsylvania

Aubrie
♀ 33886
Member # 33886

Posted: 3:22 PM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013

There is a difference between answering your BS's questions about the A and daydreaming, "Dang, AP had the cutest feet. We had the best time chilling at the buffet back on May 3rd. I wonder if he thinks about me like I do about him...?"

Answer your BSs questions. Examine your thought processes that led you to the A. Leave the fluffy crap at the door.

Make sense?

"You give me that bottom of the 9th, last at bat, tied game, grand slam, full of butterflies kind of feeling." - My Husband

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

Posts: 6782 | Registered: Nov 2011

UnexpectedSong
♀ 21761
Member # 21761

Posted: 5:56 PM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013

You can talk about the A and AP without savoring or fantasizing. You can tell your H about "your" songs without you thinking about that song on your drive to work. It's okay to talk about it, just don't reminisce.

WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6185 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California

BaxtersBFF
♂ 26859
Member # 26859

Posted: 8:25 AM, April 26th (Friday), 2013

Are you reminiscing? Do you have moments where those "feeling" come up?

WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6103 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise

Clarrissa
♀ 21886
Member # 21886

Posted: 8:43 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013

You've gotten the perfect definition of mental NC. It's when you don't get the "warm & fuzzies" when you think or talk about the AP. You answer your BHs questions and talk about the A because that's what he needs right now. You don't reminisce about about all the "good times" you had. Because you know now that they were just part of the fantasy you built.

BH Cee64D - 48
WW (me) - 49

All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.

Posts: 5962 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place

pizzalover
♀ 38336
Member # 38336

Posted: 9:18 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013

Thanks everyone for your input. It helps a lot!

[This message edited by pizzalover at 9:18 PM, April 26th (Friday)]

Trying to rebuild each day

Me - WW 39
Him - BH 40 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - sweet cats

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
D-Day - 1/24/13
Affair started 5/09

Posts: 627 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Pennsylvania

Topic Posts: 6

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