SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

devastatedone posted 4/25/2013 19:38 PM

I found out yesterday that my husband of almost 16 years has been meeting people through Craigslist ads for at least a year and a half. I found 48 pages of emails with his first name, different last name and his own cell number. He's been with both men and women...sometimes multiple at a time. I'm disgusted and shocked.

We have two teenagers and they are devastated. I threw him out yesterday, went to get tested today, and am meeting with a lawyer tomorrow. I'm a SAHM and want to make sure I'm ok financially.

I can't believe my life has gone from happy to this in 24 hours...I keep waiting for the nightmare to end. I know sometimes people fall in love with someone else or have a one night stand, but this is something far worse. What do I do??

Missymomma posted 4/25/2013 19:46 PM

Wow, sorry! It sounds like your WH could be a sex addict. If you want to end it now, that is perfectly reasonable. I would suggest that you get some help for yourself and your teenagers. You may not have to deal with him as your husband but you will have to deal with him as the father of your children. I can't tell you if he is a sex addict but if he is, there is concern about what your children have been exposed to or will be exposed to since your WH is not getting help. A CSAT, certified sex addict therapist, would be able to help you with this. It is important that your children are protected.

How are you doing? How are your kids doing?

27yearsnowlost posted 4/25/2013 19:47 PM

I'm so sorry you found your way here.

My WH also went on craiglist for oral sex. It totally bindsided me. We were 27 years married.

This site has help me so much.

Start reading the healing library on the upper left side of the board.

I'm only 7 weeks in to this so their are a lot more people that had more advice then I could offer.

Hang in there....one day at a time is how I get threw.

MsSunshine posted 4/25/2013 19:52 PM

Oh Dearest I'm so very sorry. Right now you just survive. You've made a great first step by kicking him out immediately. You are now suffering from some form of post traumatic stress disorder.

The people here are very wise and will be along shortly to help you with strategies for coping now. I am not so wise but I did suffer from a similar situation to yours. My Wayward Husband did all of the things you mentioned.

I wasn't as wise as you and I gave him a month before we separated. It was a brutal month.

Please be careful with your health now. If you can get out and walk or exercise that is one of the best ways to focus your pain and energy. That helped many people here. I wasn't one of those people. So do as I say and not as I did....which was to start smoking again after being a nonsmoker for 28 years.

You also need to drink water and try to eat as hard as it might be. Some people have also gone to their doctor to ask for some pills to take the edge off the pain. There is nothing wrong with that. You do what you can to get through this next bit.

You have already taken amazing steps towards healing and a better life. Many, many people here did not get as far as fast as you have already. Good for you for finding the strength and resolve for standing up for yourself!

My heart is breaking for you Dear. And also for your children. Stick together and help each other through this. It's impossible to believe now but you will survive this roller coaster ride of betrayal and go on to live a much more authentic and meaningful life - with or without the wayward husband. And the silver lining is that your relationship with your children can grow ever so much deeper. Kids are the best!

Sending heaps of love and hugs. ((((devastatedone))))

PanicAttack53 posted 4/25/2013 19:54 PM

(((devastatedone))) those are hugs BTW.

I'm so sorry you are going though this and find yourself here. While this may sound like an oxymoron, I’m glad you are here. Please know you are not alone and also that you've found a great support system to help you through this mess.

Some of this was posted above but it bears repeating because this is a critical time for you right now, both physically and mentally.

1. First & foremost... understand that This Is Not Your Fault... ANY of It. Also, please read the "Healing Library" (yellow box, top left of every page). There is lots of info there to help you understand what you’re going through.

2. Please realize that you are in a state of shock. For that reason it is imperative to take good care of YOU and your body now. Try to drink lots of fluids (preferably water... no booze!). Eat small meals and if your tummy is too upset for that, just eat chips and chocolate as they are easy to get down and also do have some nutritional value. Exercise as much as you can, even if it's just walking around the block. Try and get as much sleep as you can. I know this is hard... but you must try.

3. Do not make any big decisions right now. Being that you are in shock, you're not thinking straight. While it may not seem like it now, there will be ample time down the road for those.

4. Schedule an appointment with your doctor and ask for meds to help you sleep, and for anxiety if need be. Do not feel ashamed or guilty for doing this as most of us here had to in the beginning.

5. Try and refrain from arguing with your WH right now. You are too raw for that in your present state of mind. Focus instead on getting yourself on solid ground both mentally and physically first. Again, there will be ample time down the road for discussions with WH if you choose to... or other courses of action if need be.

6. Come back and post here often. We are a kindred tribe of individuals who are going, or have gone through what you are now. And… we are here to offer our support to others. So post as much as you want and don’t ever feel like it’s too much. I know I wore my fingers to the bone here in the beginning. When you do post, don’t ever be embarrassed to vent, rant, cuss, cry, scream… whatever. Trust me when I say we’ve heard it all. The main thing is for you to get it out to someone who understands and we’re here to listen and help if we can.

That's enough on your plate right now. Except to tell you that you CAN and WILL survive this. We’ll be here for you when you need us.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 8:11 PM, April 25th (Thursday)]

stupidgirlme posted 4/25/2013 20:23 PM

I can't even imagine what you are going through!!! My only advice would be to yes, please definitely go to the Healing Library and read everything that sounds like it might pertain to you. We're all in this together and you will fnd so much support and information here.

Got2GO posted 4/25/2013 20:55 PM

(((Hugs)))

I've been there. What is with these men and craigslist! My husband did the same thing.
My only advice to you is to get strong, get going and get a good lawyer!! Get everything you can from the bum. Maybe he'll end up like my ex POS. living in a nasty trailer and can't even afford any more craigslist trash.
Best of luck. Sorry that you are going through this.

[This message edited by Got2GO at 9:45 PM, April 25th (Thursday)]