I told my WW how I was feeling. I know she has been wanting to write new vows for me and had told me on multiple occasions how sorry she was for breaking our wedding vows. She wanted to renew our vows but I am not quite ready for that. So she asked if we could write new vows and go somewhere nice and read them to each other. I kind of liked that idea. Opinions Please...
I'm hoping we get some more ideas here. WH started the A within 1-2 days of our 20th anniversary, so this year should be a real treat. Ours is coming up in 2 months as well. It makes me feel panicky just thinking about it.
My H broke our vows by sleeping with the OW at the park we had our reception at. My memories are always going to be clouded by that fact so why celebrate that day when it brings up bad memories.
I still mourn that I do not have a day to celebrate my anniversary on. It is the only thing about his A's that still brings tears to my eyes.
You do what is right for you and your recovery. If you have a truly remorseful spouse they will respect whatever you choose to do.
This too shall pass I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
She keeps trying to make a big deal out of it, but I keep playing it down. I was the one to suggest renewing vows early on, but I'm not sure if I want to now. I did it once - why should I do it again? I'm not sure she's someone I'd want to marry again anyways...
I think, in your case, she needs to understand your point of view, and respect that. If it doesn't fit into what she thinks should happen - well, frankly, too bad. She's the one that is the root cause of all this, right?
D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher. D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11. Still trying to R. 22 years married
So - I don't think we will be renewing any vows anytime soon.
So she asked if we could write new vows and go somewhere nice and read them to each other. I kind of liked that idea. Opinions Please..
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson "She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Our first wedding anniversary after D-day was only a couple of weeks after it so it was ignored by me (I actually forgot until fWH reminded me!). The next one we did something very low key- to be honest I can't really remember what we did!
This year it's our 10 year wedding anniversary and we are going on our first family holiday abroad, so will no doubt have a nice meal or something, but I look at it a bit differently to how I used to. fWH has mentioned renewing our vows, but I personally don't want to as I feel that we did it once and they clearly didn't stick for him, so... IDK. If it feels right for you, then go for it.
Alternatively, you could write something about how you feel about each other that wasn't defined as vows? Entirely up to you, but I like that your WW is respecting your opinion on this.
The bad news is there is no key to happiness. The good news is it isn't locked.
I knew in my heart at the time of our 15th anniversary that there was more to his EA than he admitted to. I felt so terrible on that anniversary because I felt like we were living a lie. Our M was a lie. It played on my mind so much that a few days later I called the OW and she confirmed my suspicions that the EA was indeed a PA. The next year was full as ups and downs and lots of hurting and healing. By the time our 16th Anniversary came around I was happy. I was excited for our planned weekend away. We wrote each other letters about what we each meant to each other and finished the letters off with new promises to each other. My promises to him reinforced my original wedding vows as I still believed in what I promised him that day, 16 years earlier. I did add a little more to them. He wrote his own promises and read them to me. We also had given each other our wedding bands to have engraved. We exchange our rings again and this time we told the other why we chose the words we had engraved on each others ring. It was emotional and beautiful. For me, it was a new beginning. I don't think either of us really gave much thought to the vows we said on our wedding day. We just wanted to be married and the quicker the service could be over with the better as we both hate being center of attention. I call our 16th our "sweet 16th". I loved it and I can't wait until our next anniversary to celebrate how strong we've become and how we have worked together to save that in which we both value. No OW is strong enough to tear us apart. She may have given us both a very painful wake up call but she is not enough. Our M still means more. I am grateful and proud of that fact and so is my H.
In saying all that, you have to do what you feel is right for you and for where you are in you stage of healing. Good luck and best wishes (((IGaveItMyAll)))
