There's a chance that contacting the OW could make things worse for you. i feel like this each and every day but I refrain and it is my pride and self-empowerment, each and every time I do not do it.
What I want now in my foggy state is to see if OW knows that I am pregnant and it happened when STBXH tricked me to false R, while still "with" her.
But the high road is a major, major sourse of that same self-empowerment and pride and somedays is all I've got to hang onto.
I agree wholeheartedly with the post that talks about the lies OW could spin and that's partly why I think it has potential to be worse or at minimum, not any "real" answers.
It seems to be a common reaction for us BSs to want to do.
It took me the longest time to realize that she did steal him away, but he went. I blamed her for a long time and now I know it was the pair of them. I don't know if that will help and I'm sorry to say something you don't want to think about if that's so, but now it helps, kind of like seeing the forest through the trees.
OW in this case made it like a contest the one time (day after dday) that I was daring enough to respond. She has massive cat claws and also sabotaged his chance at return when he tried to do it for real.
So I have some knowledge of the type she is-ready to fight with me and doesn't even know me-
Yet my mind is riddled with questions too and things about OWhood that I simply will never be able to fathom.
Sorry for my long note, but hope you will decide what to do soon and be able to put it out of your mind.
Also, I found a really good counselor who has dealt with divorce and cheating for a long time and has been able to try to answer some questions about OW (and him), so that finding another source to ask the same questions is very helpful.
Another point made by a virtual friend and some people on SI is that contacting the OW may show her that she's important to you and chances are, will fuel her ego. When I heard that, it hit home.
Following that, this person said (she's also a betrayed wife) that it could get them more ammo or stuff to snicker about and that's very much what I feel goes on in this situation.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.