SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Bikingguy posted 4/26/2013 08:07 AM

WW says she is certain 3 kids are mine. However a situation arrised yesterday where we were asked by a Dr about kids family history. For the sake of their health and my need to know, I think a paternity test needs to be done. The kids Dr office does not do it.
Any suggestions for either a clinic or a home test? Oldest is 13 and none know (at least we think they do not know). For those reasons a home test may be more descrete.

numb&dumb posted 4/26/2013 10:58 AM

I had mine done at a reproductive health clinic. We told the kids it was a "check up." Get a referral from the doctor, it would be easy for them. If you don't what the GP to know what you are asking, I would try looking them up online. My research indicates that the OTC kits you can buy have very degrees of accuracy. This is something were you want the most accurate test available.

They are young and it was easier than I guess a teenager would be.

Some will tell you not to do it, that what does it matter, etc.

I completely understand, you have to know. If it comes back you are the father, great. If not be prepared for a whole new dimension to this. (Happened to a close friend of mine) There are some guys here that can help you with that if it comes to it. IC would be even more important. Bio-dad is the easy part of the puzzle. Raising them teaching them, etc. Our environment is a much bigger factor in who we turn out to be than our DNA does.

Mine came back as mine. I know where everything stands now. Having any doubt was killing my relationship with my kids and my W. The unknown gave me an excuse to "give up."

It is a decision you have to make and live with. Don't let anyone talk you out of what you feel you need to do. There are many heated opinion on this topic and it can tend to be very sensitive on this forum. BTDT.

Bikingguy posted 4/26/2013 11:18 AM

Thanks,

I did get a response about a mail in test, I think I might start with.

My brother and 2 sisters have a different father from Mom's first marriage, and me from second husband. We all grew up in the same house and never considered us to be anything other than brother and sisters. Also my sister and her husband have adopted three kids. So I certain realize being a parent is much more than the act. I am "Dad" to my three kids regardless of the outcome.
Yesterday we had to take son to Dr after he fainted at school. The Dr asked if we had any history of this in our families. I want to be sure when I answer. We did talk about doing a paternity test should a medical issue arise, however I think we should know that answer BEFORE it happens.
Should the results be devastating I will certainly look for help from here.

numb&dumb posted 4/26/2013 12:14 PM

No worries man. My W said the same thing, but being were we are posting today, little can be taken at face value anymore.

When I went through this it was something I kept off of here in the worry that It would turn into a heated discussion (at the time I had seen). Just wanted you to know it is something a lot BHs deal with at one point or another(depending on several factors).

I understand the discretion piece, but when I had it done I was in a punishment phase in dealing with my W. I told her if she was so certain she wouldn't have any issue if we had it confirmed. She was very embarrassed to have to ask the OB, that delivered our kids, for a referral. In hindsight a home test would have been less embarrassing for everyone. I chalked it off to consequences of her actions at the time. She going through with it was a really good "Action" that showed me she was willing to do whatever it took. I feel a little guilty that it came from a place of anger, but it did help me realize that I could trust "some" of the things she told me.

Each situation is so individual with so many angles, it is important to take advice with a grain of salt.

(including mine:))