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Newest Member: drummerwife (46039)

User Topic: Is it ok not to know details?
hopeful18
♀ 19234
Member # 19234
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wh cheated with prostitutes six years ago. Recently I discovered an ea and pa. We are trying to make it work. He had a very hard time with my anger last time around. He felt like I was always mad at him. I think I was because he never could give me reassurance at the level I needed. Anyway this time around I feel like my part is going to be able to deal with anger better. I can see hiw he would feel that wsy although not admitting that to him. So in that spirit I am wondering if I should not find out details. Maybe it is too painful to heAr. But is that tug sweeping on my part or just self preservation? He will also need to deal with why he has such problems with dealing with my Anger.

Posts: 228 | Registered: Apr 2008
heforgotme
♀ 38391
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But is that tug sweeping on my part or just self preservation?

I think only you know the answer to this. If you want/need details to heal, but don't ask for them to avoid getting angry, then it's rugsweeping. If you really think you don't need them (there was a whole lot that I didn't ask), then that's perfectly acceptable.

This is about what YOU need to heal.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1091 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Blobette
♀ 36519
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Poor widdle boobie had a hard time dealing with your anger? So you don't want details because you know they'll make you angry?

Look, I don't want to know details, but that's for my own mental health. And I was plenty angry without details. What I'm very concerned about is the power imbalance that seems to exist in your relationship. Why on earth are you trying to placate him, protect him from your anger? Honey, he should be groveling on his feet in gratitude that you haven't kicked his ass to the door!

He doesn't just need to deal with his problems dealing with your anger, he needs to deal with his PROBLEM, which is CHEATING.

I'm sorry, I'm probably projecting my anger here a bit. But please, please stop worrying about your how your anger affects the little precious, and start thinking about getting your bitch boots on getting widdle precious to man up.


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1061 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 3

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