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Advice needed for a very Down lost lady

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Unlucky88 posted 4/26/2013 08:47 AM

I wondered if any one could help me because right now my mind is blank and I dont know how to handle my situation
My story is......
Me and my partner have been together for a year. I have a son and daughter from a previous relationship there father has no contact with them might I add my daughter is disabled and my son has never met him as he walked out towards the end of my pregnancy.

My current partner has been amazing with the kids and my son is calling him dad as he s the only constant male that's been in my life. My partner was very happy about this and wanted a child with me to be a complete family.
Anyway a few months ago I had this gut feeling checked his phone and caught him sending pic of himself and receiving pics from this woman I believe it was only messages as she live far away. Confronted him he apologised was so upset said he'd never do it again. Well recently I started to notice white stains in his underwear on days that we have had no intercourse and any way he puts them on when he gets out of bed and bath as soon as he gets home one day I picked up his dirty clothes when he was in the bath and his underwear was still damp confronted him he denied anything and said he didn't no why they was like it since then this gut feeling hasn't stopped I have bit lip but started to get bitter.
He usually calls me on his breaks at 10.30 and 1 well on wednesday he calls me at 10.30 for a chat then tells me he is going to the drs on lunch so he will call me about ten to 1. Alarm bells rang he never goes to the drs then checked the drs website and they close at 12.45 for lunch so I decided to spy on him and park in the car park around the corner from his work where I found him walking through the car park to a woman's car at that point I drove off as he was very close to where I was and didn't want to get caught. I got a phone call at 1.25 when he got back to his work and I asked how his drs went he told me all about his appointment
When he came home that evening I kept quiet bit my lip he went upstairs got change came and sat in the lounge telling me all about his day acting all normal. When i went upstairs to the loo I noticed his trousers on the floor where he had got changed and inside them again was white stains!
When I came down stairs I asked him how he got on at drs and he started telling me so when he finished I said to him that's funny I was in the car park and ur trousers upstairs explain it even more to which he flipped and told me to pack his stuff denying everything saying its all in my head. Just to add to all of this I am 8 weeks pregnant.
He is still not living with me I haven't seen him but he as text loads saying its not what he wants he only wants me he hasn't done anything etc etc I've stayed strong replied to some but ignored a lot but I'm at a stage that I'm finding it even harder I'm losing my strength and miss him but I just don't no what to do all I do no is I want him to hurt like I am? When will it get easier ???

Omahahurt posted 4/26/2013 09:45 AM

I wish I could tell you when it gets easier, but the truth is I don't know myself. I am so sorry for what you are going through. People here can really help. Stay true to yourself. If he wants to work it out I recently started counseling and it works wo ders. Just

Omahahurt posted 4/26/2013 09:46 AM

I wish I could tell you when it gets easier, but the truth is I don't know myself. I am so sorry for what you are going through. People here can really help. Stay true to yourself. If he wants to work it out I recently started counseling and it works wo ders. Just wish would. Have tried to take husband then maybe I wouldn't be on this site and him with another woman.

daledge posted 4/26/2013 10:26 AM

Wow! None of this sounds good.

Get a therapist as soon as you can. He/she will help you. This is so complicated with your pregnancy and all.

Find out who the other woman is, is she married, does she work, have kids, etc.? It would be good to know because this gives you leverage.

Good luck!

Skan posted 4/26/2013 14:07 PM

I am so sorry that you had the reason to find this site, but so happy that you DID find us for support. I would have to say that your instincts are right on. He's betrayed you with OW (other woman) physically and emotionally. You caught them. He flipped out because his happy fantasy of having you as "the backup plan" and his tootsie for rodgering has just exploded. He's lying to save his ass and re-writing history quickly so that he can justify his immoral behavior.

Deep breaths. Please take a look in the upper left corner, in the yellow box, and click on The Healing Library. Read thru it there is a lot of good stuff in there for you. Read any posting on this forum that has a bulls-eye on it also good information. Take care of yourself eat, stay hydrated, try to rest. You can't take care of your wonderful children unless you take care of yourself first.

You really do need to see a lawyer to find out what your rights are, since you are carrying his child. You need to get paternity established and get everything in place so that you can receive child support ASAP. You may also be entitled to other support since you are pregnant. But only a lawyer can answer those questions for you.

And as compassionately as I can put it, you simply must call today and get a STD/HIV test scheduled tomorrow if possible. You cannot trust that he hasn't been swiving only one person, you have no idea of who the OW has been with as well, and you sure can't trust a lier's word that he actually used protection. Some of these diseases can cross placental barriers, so to protect your unborn child, you need to be seen immediately. I'm so very sorry.

This is a hell of a lot to dump on you. Don't feel badly if you feel overwhelmed, need to read several times, and cry hysterically. We've been there too. Please keep coming back for support we are all of us, here for you. (((hugs)))

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