Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: jon72 (46048)

User Topic: Who's not ready to date? A show of hands please?
notmeanymore
♀ 9772
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ME!!!

Recent fiasco has shown me I'm still too filled with fear. Fear of picking the wrong person, fear of being hurt. I can't stay in the moment and just observe and experience. Always looking ahead and trying to predict what will, should, and could happen.

It's not a healthy state to be in.

Refocusing on me. I'm about to get a job offer for a job that I am so excited about.

My kids are happy and healthy.

I'm 6 credits away from my Masters. Been working on it one class at a time, so I dont' think I really thought I'd ever be done. And I just got an A in a class that I hated.

I've got so much good going on. I should just revel in that for a while.


"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 877 | Registered: Feb 2006
fraeuken
♀ 30742
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ME!!!

Tried it and could not do it. I am not so much afraid, just too selfish at this point. I just want to do what I want to do and be with my girls.

I built my life around STBXH for 18 years. Have too much going on now to make the same mistake again.

Go for your Masters! Congrats on your A. And congrats on the job offer.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
absolut
♀ 37933
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Omg congrats on your masters. I'm prepping for my GRE. Supposed to be studying now!!! I also feel like I'll never make it, so I can't wait to be where you are!!!!Where's my smiley>>>>

Yeah I've been single 8 months. I did this therapy exercise where you make a list of the positive qualities and negative qualities of all the men you've dated seriously. Under negative, for all of them "LIAR"
So I'm just doing therapy stuff and working and studying.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me

And I'm completely okay with it. I like doing my stuff. I like having my way. I like running my house.

There is too much good stuff to enjoy on my own!


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4837 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
h0peless
♂ 36697
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Over here! Unfortunately, I can't just tell people that I'm married if they start to get too flirty anymore though.

Posts: 1852 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
bbee
♀ 17840
Member # 17840
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me! I'm perfectly happy on my own, thank you very much!


This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Hamlet, Act I, Scene 3

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

All's Well That Ends Well, Act I, Scene 1


Posts: 6657 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: SE US
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Content  Posted: 4:31 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!!!!!

I am SO not ready! My New Beginning is still only about me & my kids, getting my feet on the ground, getting my support systems in place, making sure my personal boundaries are set in reinforced concrete.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10154 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ 38010
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Count me in!! Not ready, not sure when I'll be ready, and not sure if I ever want to be ready.

I do enjoy some sweet eye candy on tv/movies, which is a brand new thing for me...



Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
hurtinky
♀ 26152
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't say I'm "not ready" because that implies I need to do something in order to successfully date, and I don't believe that to be the case. I'm ready. I just don't want to fool with it, for the most part.

If I meet a nice man in the normal course of life, and I determine that we seem fairly compatible, I'll consider a date.

But, I have decided that, for me, meeting up with people I know very little about (OLD) is a phenomenal waste of my time and energy.

I am just going to live my life. If a man pops into it, great. I'm good either way.


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
wildbananas
♀ 10552
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I meet a nice man in the normal course of life, and I determine that we seem fairly compatible, I'll consider a date.

But, I have decided that, for me, meeting up with people I know very little about (OLD) is a phenomenal waste of my time and energy.

I am just going to live my life. If a man pops into it, great. I'm good either way.


This.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15449 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
cayc
♀ 21964
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Raises hand. I'm not ready. Not even close. My efforts to date have done nothing but make me anxious, prime me to sink into negative land and indulge in my obsessive bad coping behaviors which make me feel worse.

One of my weekend plans is to stop by the hobby shop to pick up materials for some needlework I've been wanting to do. How's that for a non-making-yourself-available-project???


"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott

Posts: 3208 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ooooohhhhhhhhh.... Needlework? Yeah, uh, that doesn't really scream Red Hot & Sexy Mama Right Here. I'm thinking about looking up some stock exchange prices for some mutual funds. I think your thing sounds more exciting than my thing.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10154 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
burnedcanuckEMS
♀ 35813
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ME!!!!!

And I totally agree with this statement:


If I meet a nice man in the normal course of life, and I determine that we seem fairly compatible, I'll consider a date.

But, I have decided that, for me, meeting up with people I know very little about (OLD) is a phenomenal waste of my time and energy


I made the mistake of dating while still hurting an vulnerable - and guess what? The guy I was dating turned out to be 1000 times worse than my ex-husband!!!! Unbeknownst to me he has a wife and child in a foreign country and is over here picking up women and having a good old time!!!! He is a dirtbag piece of shit scumbag. Total eyeopener.

I am sure I will not be dating for a looooonnnngggg time now I am sure. No way I am ready to trust. Two huge betrayals in a row, I really live up to my username.


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

PS...sorry for any spelling errors or missing letters etc..... ty


Posts: 289 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
FirstLoveGone
♀ 25957
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto to what hurtinky posted. I honestly just don't feel like dating.

Posts: 1278 | Registered: Oct 2009
Survivor3512
♀ 37946
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ME!!! I haven't even considered it yet. Too scared and hurt. I've got lots more work to do on myself before I even think about trying to date. But, I'm ok with that. I'm focused on myself, my kids, my job, my friendships, and figuring out what I really want in life.


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

notmeanymore, I'm six courses away from finishing a BA, one course at a time. Which means I'll probably be able to do an MA at seniors' rates, which is tuition-free....

Wheee!

Totally on the hurtinky train on the dating thing.

Way too much work and who has the time?

And I've never particularly enjoyed weeding....


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17811 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
tryingagain74
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can absolutely add me to the list. I'm not even divorced yet, for one thing, but another is that I just don't have room in my life for that type of commitment at this point. I also know that I'm just not ready. I need more time to get to know myself again and to feel comfortable with the direction that my life has taken. I'm getting there, but I'm not there yet.


FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3659 | Registered: Oct 2011
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

None for me, thanks. WAY too much already on my plate.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26546 | Registered: Aug 2011
phmh
♀ 34146
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I were to meet someone in real life, yes, but I turned off my OLD profile three months ago and it was definitely the right decision.

My life is so full right now that it would take someone really spectacular for me to switch things up enough to include them.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3541 | Registered: Dec 2011
OnceInALifetime
♂ 26023
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Too much crap going on in my life right now, and also my last date many weeks ago left me drained and discouraged. For the first time I felt some mutual chemistry, but it didn't work out because she insisted on being a part of my kids lives before we even built a relationship.

I thought the early dating phase would be the tough part. That once there was mutual attraction it would be smooth sailing. Silly me, it's the relationship part that's tough, and I haven't even scratched the surface of that with anyone.

Why the hell would I want to go through that? Right now, dating feels like a regression. Like having to redo high school or something. Why would I want to go through that again?

I don't believe the reward is worth the anxiety or drama.

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 8:20 PM, April 26th (Friday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Topic Posts: 34
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.