Sometimes life gives you lemons but i have gold spray paint.
Is time the only thing to accomplish this or does someone have a trick
First, I would walk. I would just keep putting one foot in front of the other and simply breath. And here's the part that you may find odd: I also used to reminisce on past relationships, and how happy I was, how confident I was, how much self-worth and self-esteem I had. It was a way to boost ME up, and then, before I knew it, the trigger had subsided, and I was fine. Sometimes it would take 15 minutes.. Other times it would take 1 hour. Just depends. But really, the triggers for me were somewhat random, as almost EVERYTHING makes you think about the A, so it's just 'chance' when a trigger strikes. After about 3-5 months, they had subsided substantially. And the triggers I do get now, are much more 'real', instead of in the past when I may be triggered by seeing a picture or something. By 'real', I mean they are more conceptual, more about the fundamental, underlying issues in a human being that allows them to behave with such reckless abandon toward the ones they are supposed to love the most. When I really start thinking about that, I may trigger, but it really doesn't involve mind movies, etc., it's more of just a sad realization about the person you THOUGHT you married versus who you ACTUALLY married (provided they are still an unsafe person and haven't worked their shit out yet, etc.).
Hope that helps! Time is your #1 ally at this moment.
Looking at your Dday, your just a few weeks removed. There are many emotions you will be dealing with.
We all want to get back to our marriage, the way we thought it was. But really, it wasn't what it should of been anyway, or else we wouldn't be here.
Just the hard facts...
I, just like you thought right away, lets put it past us, let's move on.
It's not that easy. There are alot of things to talk about.
I'm sure you have many questions for you wife.
I have the same questions, and have asked many questions already.
This is something you can't rush. Just from my limited experience, I know that to be true.
My Dday was 3/2/13.
A day I will never forget.
It's just the day I found out, but the damage had already been done.
I will never be the same guy again.
You will soon realize the enormity of it all, unfortunatly.
You sound like I did, "I know we can make it", I would say.
We are still going, but it's not easy by any means.
We both are in therapy, soon to start marriage counciling.
I was in therapy a week after Dday, and it is helping immensely. I strongly encourage you both to start, if you haven't already.
You sound positive, and that's a good thing. You will have your moments of sadness also. Just let the tears flow.
I haven't cried in twenty years, until this happened. I made up for the lost time, and then some.
Here's what my therapist said about triggers and other thoughts that come up...
She told me to recognize my thought, don't dwell on it, move on to something else.
Pick a time when you can be alone, give yourself 20 minutes, then think about all your thoughts for the day then.
Way, way, harder than it sounds.
I actually laughed, when she told me that one.
I said " you don't know how my brain works, I can't do that."
I can't do it all the time now, but most of the time I can.
I'm still learning.
I don't know if any of that will help, you never know.
Take care, and good luck.