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Newest Member: debsous (61846)

User Topic: will I ever know.......
♀ 38591
Member # 38591
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my gut tells me his hiding something,TT me,even though I have no prove and I can say his done and doing all I've asked and need to help us move forward. Will I ever know.....

1) It was more than a EA.

2)the baby she's carrying is his,even though she was also in a relationship and my WH says she conceived once their EA ended.

and3)his has NC with OW at work.

Is it just a "trust" issues or is my gut right.How do I really know.

D-DAY -22ND OCT 2012

Posts: 73 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: uk
♀ 38839
Member # 38839
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only thing I've really taken away from this experience so far is that it is so critically important to listen to your gut and your intuition. They are ancient instincts that have evolved along with us to protect us. Let them do that for you.

What measures do you have in place to know that he is maintaining NC? What has he done to help you begin to contemplate trusting him again?



Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A polygraph will answer question one,and possibly two.

He needs to find another job. Make it a requirement of R.

FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 15220 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trusting your gut is key.

Also, you can learn a lot by simply suggesting a polygraph. His reaction will speak volumes.

DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.

Posts: 55131 | Registered: Sep 2007
♀ 39028
Member # 39028
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had the exact same feeling, I could feel it in my entire being that he was still holding back details. My gut feeling was exactly right. After he finally admitted to everything, he felt better but I fell apart again. Keep strong and try to prepare yourself for the whole truth. I think that sometimes they think they are "protecting" us from being hurt even more.
I wish you the best! This is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to work through in my life..I'm hoping it is worth it

Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (33)
Dday: 12/24/2010
Kids: 2- ages 2 and 4

Posts: 14 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Indiana
♂ 38518
Member # 38518
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to hear your struggles.

Unfortunately, your gut is probably right. Maybe not with everything you listed, but at least some of them. If you can't get him to be truthful with you, to the point you feel that he is not TTing and you know everything, then you may need to take some time to reevaluate what you're doing. He should be open and honest with you, even without you asking.

Have you checked out the 180 in the Healing Library? Might be a useful tool for you to implement while you continue to work on healing yourself, especially if he seems unwilling to open up and be totally honest about what actually happened (or what is currently happening).

Be strong.

BH (me): 35
WW: 34
1 kid (7 y/o)
multiple affairs spanning our entire 11-year marriage
multiple d-days over the last 3 years (most recently: 1/3/2016)
divorced and finally released from this prison: 2/26/2016

Posts: 199 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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