So, sit back and learn some great parenting wisdom from a first-class JAMF:
DS #1 has expressed some concerns about a future with a step-mother, step-siblings, etc. this evening. I reassured him that unknowns can sometimes be a source of apprehension and that it is something that not only he, but I will also have to adjust to. He again brought up questions about why we divorced and I told him it was not something he should be concerned about, but rather he should focus on the fact that both you and I love him and want him to feel safe and secure in either of our homes. He also brought up being "concerned" and "confused" about "what mom said" about OW "not making the right choices." While I can understand that you will never approve of OW and I being together, I am hoping that you can offer some reassurance to the kids. I know you want what is best for them, and while I know it might be very difficult to put aside personal feelings, perhaps you can offer them some words of support with respect to this situation to make things easier for them. Thanks."
Ah, me. What a load of horse manure. How sad that he thinks I'm going to "reassure" our children about what he's done. He can go bless himself, to borrow a term from another thread...
Right or wrong, I refuse to sugar coat this for STBXWW or worse, collude with her to hide any wrong-doing from the kids. I just do my best to keep it age specific. I think that's fair, imho.
This guy. No different from the rest of the unremorseful waywards. Selfish, self-serving, doesn't really give a shit about his kids' well-being...but sure as hell cares about his image and the shiny status of his sparkly, 'awesomer than thou' life.
Well fuck that guy and his 'brilliant' logic. Such a fucking moron. The more he puts his kids off...the worse he's going to make it.
Funny, every kid I know respects feeling like they are being leveled with and not fed a line of mind-fuckery bullshit.
Limbo 1 month
False R 2 months.
Status: Divorce on hold
I'm really weary of these damn asshole waywards that completely destroy their own fucking families and then act all sanctimonious and shocked when their kids learn about the real issues!!
Get real assholes! YOU did this!! Deal with the consequences!!
I hope you told him to shove it up his ass, ta74!!
He's 9, and I think he's figuring things out. He asked me the other day if "Dad did something wrong." So far, I've told him that we'll talk about it when he's older and mature enough to discuss grown-up problems. I doubt I'll be able to hold him off for much longer with comments like that, and I will not lie if asked direct questions.
[This message edited by pjkmkjm23 at 12:23 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]
Seriously, what a Fucktard.
Reassuring the kids = telling them this shit sandwich tastes so damn good. They are not stupid - they know it tastes like shit.
He is right - the kids will have to 'adjust'. He is forcing OW on them and they have no voice about it. What they do have a voice about is expressing their feelings on the matter.
So, instead of trying to gaslight your own kids - let them have their voice. Tell them you understand and SHOW them their fears are unfounded. You can't douchebag, because they are not unfounded. They are valid fears.
The reassurance needs to come from his actions - from his interactions with them and from his relationship with them. If that is golden then no gaslighting will be required.
That there is his problem. Not his kids or your own views on OW. She is earning that view from everybody.
Nobody has a shovel that big dude. Nobody.
Crickets is right. Just sit back and watch this shit show unfold. Your kids, just like mine, will really see what a selfish asshat they have for a dad the minute this skank starts coming around and moves in with him.
It's typical. He will kiss her ass and do whatever he can to make her happy. He can't lose her or else the destruction of his family was all for naught, right? And she will eat that treatment up and expect it. She will expect a lot because she is gonna feel like she made a huge sacrifice leaving her home town to come to him. If she's like most OW, she will beat the crap out of him and wear him down more every single day they're together.
The ones who will be left out will be his kids. They will see that, in his eyes, her concerns matter more than theirs. They will see that dad gave them no say so in their relationship with him. He shoved OW and her kid down their throats in the hopes of making a happy insta family and gas lighting the shit out of everyone. To an extent, they already see it. That's why they're scared, but he is going to plow over their fears anyway.
You can spill it to them or choose to keep quiet. Either way, this isn't gonna work out well for him. He can throw as many textbook co parenting terms and emails at you as he wants. It isn't going to change the reality. This is HIS fault and HIS shitty, selfish behavior will lead to the demise of his relationship with his own kids.
Fuck this guy.
[This message edited by suckstobeme at 7:56 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]
Of course I want what is best for the kids. Since DS seems confused about what I meant that OW does not make the best decisions, I think it is time to be perfectly clear with him and explain EXACTLY what bad decisions OW has made. Thanks for pointing out the error of my ways.
What a fucking idiot!
Now that she's in the picture? He's all about damage control and managing their image. He's rushing the D and forcing me to take up the legal gauntlet instead of being rational and following our original plans written in the legal agreement. I'm sure she's behind a lot of this-- she wants to step seamlessly into my old life, and that includes our children happily accepting her and me quietly accepting the early D so that they can be married. They're both so deluded that when real life creeps in-- like when the kids being forced into this situation show some resistance-- he immediately seeks to repress it so that it doesn't damage the fairytale.
Well, between the two of them, there are FIVE children who are likely not going to enjoy this new arrangement at some point. I'm sure that her two kids aren't all excited about it either-- she's moving them away from their home, their school, and their town (she's currently two hours away). Do they really think that her kids are going to move here and not have any problems with that? Right. Good luck with that. And if they think that I'm going to somehow help to legitimize their relationship by being their personal cheerleader, they've got another think coming. I won't bad mouth them, but I'm not going to "spackle" their behavior with my kids, either. They are two selfish people who continue to behave selfishly, and I'm not going to pretend like that's okay. They can reap what they sow.