Edited to add content.
[This message edited by disillusioned12 at 9:57 PM, April 26th (Friday)]
Limbo 1 month
False R 2 months.
Status: Divorce on hold
I don't know if he ever reads on here anymore, so I'm careful about what I post. Posting on here has saved my neck and my sanity in so many ways that I would rather run the risk of posting something he might read than never post at all.
If he's your STBX, then why does he have an account? Maybe he opened one a while ago before you decided to D, but he doesn't use it now?
I miss the days when I felt like I could post here completely freely.
It's OKAY to be scared.
Being scared means you're about
to do something really, really brave.
I don't know, I've kind of changed my mind a bit tonight. Even if my STBXWW is reading my stuff I'm just going to be careful about what I'm posting and she can read away. Screw her, she can relish in my suffering as I write about or read about me struggling on how to deal with things and know that she's a large part of why I'm the way I am now, or she can lol or mock me or whatever about it if she's really that evil a person. I don't care anymore.
dis: just write everything assuming that he could read it and act accordingly. It may cause you to keep some stuff to yourself that you otherwise may have put out there, but on the other hand it could be good for him to read about how much pain he's caused someone that loved him and that he made vows too. He'd have to be an incredibly evil person to not be affected by that on some level.
I am so sorry that your safe place, your outlet, and such a positive place for healing has been vandalized. I think it is a major shit sandwich that the very people that cause the pain of leading us to this site are the very ones taking our self expression and healing from us.
I guess the reality of posting in a public forum is that the information is out there for anyone to see. Yes, its somewhat anonymous, but definitely not private. The support I've received from SI is worth too much to me.
I've told a few people I have found an awesome website with lots of great advice and healing, etc., so I guess if someone is vigilant, they could find me..
Until then, this is my own personal journal and my outlet for giving back and helping others in pain..
I am always happy I did not direct him to this site. But just in case you are here honey love muffin, "FUCK YOU AND THE HO YOU ROAD OUT ON!!!" "STOP INVOLVING THE KIDS YOU ASSHOLE!!"
I understand if we shared our screen names either intentionally or without our knowledge, like if we forgot to log off or something. But is it possible to just read through posts and find the one piece of information that gives it away?
The reason I ask is that there were times before my D went through that I got real worried that XWW or OM were reading what I wrote. Especially if I posted something a bit too revealing. I know that that is not likely as we would not have the agreement we have if she read what was written and I calmed my fears by rationalizing that the ability for anyone to read at random various posts and figure which was by me is fairly remote. Maybe I am just nieve.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie
yeah, that was naive of me...
The reality ended up being that ex came to SI to read what I posted, and rather than discuss it with me, he used it as justification to continue cheating. He even told OW about SI, and that I posted here. She figured out who I was right away. Both of them spent months reading my posts, without my knowledge.
After I found out OW was reading here, I spent several months writing posts in a way I knew would annoy the shit out of her. I made sure there was lots of hidden and double meanings in what I said. I wanted both ex and OW to think that I wasn't as clued in as I was.
Once ex left and I filed for divorce, I rarely posted details about the legal proceedings. I did, otoh, post some fabulous, probably weekly, rants about the stupidity of ex and OW. At that point I had no idea if either of them were still reading my posts, but I suspected they they were. And I really liked the idea that they knew I was ridiculing them here.
And now, it's been almost 4 years since ex left. I don't care if he, or OW, are still pathetic enough to cyberstalk me. I post what I want, when I want. I refuse to give them the power to take away SI from me.
So I worried for a while that I may have said things he could somehow use against me. Then it occurred to me that my SI posts are like a diary of his emotional abuse of me and our kids. So if he wants to use them against me, well...lol. I think that would backfire, because either it's true and reliable and he can use it all, and so can I, or it's all just been a game where I posts stuff to...piss him off or manipulate him somehow, in which case it is NOT true and he can't use any of it. Plus, I haven't done anything wrong, so what would he use? That his emotional abuse was really getting me down and my posts suggested that it was working to break me? lol That I called him names a lot (on SI, not in real life) because he kept psychologically torturing me? Again, lol. So I don't worry about it anymore. I just keep strategic stuff to myself as of the last little while.
[This message edited by Coraline at 3:19 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]
The only privacy I actually care about is my kids.
What I say here is genuine.
Don't deprive yourself of comfort because of something that might happen.
If I went to Hogwarts, my Patronus would be my Big Sister - GWADW
I was harassed so terribly that the admins very, very kindly made an exception to their rule and allowed me to change my screen name.
I chose one he would not associate with me, and make sure to keep my profile fairly generic. I do post authentically---but am careful to keep my tone and "voice" fairly generic, too. I don't post much identifying information.
But really, what keeps me safe is the understanding that I really don't matter to him a single bit any more--if I ever did. He's not going to pore over posts to see what username I'm using. His head is still too far up his own ass.
While I do post authentically, I also am careful not to post information that readily reveals my identity; if Mr. Trac-fone were to figure out who I am, it would come after a lengthy period of reading my posts--maybe. And since I know how very self-centered he is, I'm confident he will neither do that reading nor make the connection.
But really,if he does, it doesn't compromise my emotional safety at this point.
Just like if your ex figures out who you are, your safety won't be compromised.
He stalked me so much that I had to have my username changed.
No matter what the situation I would strongly recommend you NEVER tell your WS your username. Having your safe place taken away sucks!
My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.
The majority of advice was resounding "NO!", so I didn't do it. I could picture OW hearing of it and reading my posts, too and having more laughs at my expense.
I could picture him reading it and figuring out my posts and bringing them to his lawyer.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
I doubt he took the time to even visit here once, being perfect and infallible in his mind and all. But if he did, and somehow figured out who I am here...eh. It would probably drive him nuts that he has no control over what I write here and that so many people would classify a person like him as a cowardly loser for being a cheater and destroying his family.
But..being a big old Narc, he would likely write this place off as pointless after a quick glance.
that was what i had to do and still do....
i don't regret giving my ws the site info....because it means i tried everything possible to save my marriage and i can't regret that....
while i don't regret leading him to the site...i do wish i never told him who i was....not that he couldn't figure it out....
and i keep on steppin!!!