While I have forgiven my H fully, I still morn the loss of my memories of our wedding. They are forever tainted with his selfish actions.
Rya you will get to a point where you realize that most guys don't put sentimental attachment to places like we do. My husband was very honest and said it didn't cross his mind and the park was close to where they were at the time.
If you do R make it a condition that he has to make up the best he can for that loss. My H has plans to do this but our money situation does not allow it right now. He is always kind and understanding that I refuse to celebrate our anniversary. He makes it the least painful as possible. I sure hope your H turns out like mine and opens his eyes to how important stuff like this is to others.
[This message edited by Hearthache again at 12:57 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
Unfortunately, that's sort of the situation many of us are in. The one person who we're supposed to truly love, feel special and unique with, and trust, has basically desecrated that entire concept. They've cheapened what was supposed to be lifelong memories of good, happy things, and tainted those memories forever.
All I can say is that if you are going to move forward with R with your WH, then try to build new memories, and let those old memories die along with the 'old marriage' you once shared with your WH. I'm working on that, and it's difficult because all my memories of my marriage to my WW have been tarnished (note: my WW started cheating on me only 6 months out from when we first got married).
Takes time, but be patient. For some people, it simply is not possible, and they'd rather move on to someone new. That may be the case here, but only you can decide that. You'll know what feels right.
After 4 plus years, I am still hung up on the "her" part. You husband's answer makes me really wonder. They put in the minimum effort, they went to places they had taken us because it was "easier" for them. Perhaps "she" truly didn't matter, that "she" could have been anyone "easy" like him choosing the easy route for their dates!
Is it excusable? Hell no. I refuse to go to Morton's with HIM. But wow, just think about this Rya, they couldn't put anymore effort into it. The bare minimum to keep her interested. And those bitches were probably soooo impressed!
I hope this helps you; as your post has just been a huge awakening for me.
But you just had a load of information dumped on you weeks ago.
The rule of thumb is 2-5 years, assuming no new hurts.
In a very real sense, you're just a few weeks out from D-Day. Give yourself time.
If you're really conflicted about R, have you discussed your ambivalence with a pastor or IC? That may help.
[This message edited by sisoon at 10:59 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]