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Saturday visitation, 3 weeks out.

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rumorhasit posted 4/26/2013 23:24 PM

Am now 3 weeks out from Dday. Every saturday XWBF has wanted to see DS. The first Saturday I cried and asked him to consider what he was giving up. It was bad. Last Saturday I was in 180 mode- polite but disinterested. (Even got a text in front of him... and he asked who it was. He never cared what I did before...) At a visit on Tuesday my dad took DS to see him at the park. For now, visitations are supervised, I'm nervous about XWBF handling DS out and about alone.

So should I go NC and let my dad handle visitations for now? Or would i look stronger going myself? I feel like I might want NC. It would help me detach from everything. XWBF wants me there though. I don't know why, I made him miserable remember?

Not sure what to do.

Safeguard posted 4/27/2013 00:12 AM

I vote let your Dad handle it, if he is willing to.

I'm sure your ex does want you there, and on some level, you may want to see him too. (It's as common as salt, this need to see the other party).

But why not give yourself some time to focus on you?

If your comfortable with your Dad handling things, why not relax, maybe do something you used to enjoy?

[This message edited by Safeguard at 12:55 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]

movingforward777 posted 4/27/2013 00:28 AM

That is time for you!! Take a nice long hot bath, go out for lunch with a friend, go shopping, clean house, or just sleep....anything that you like to do...
Let your Dad take DS and supervise the visits...you don't need to be spending time with XWBF...let him wonder what you are up to...lol....
Maintain the 180...maintain that polite distance and help yourself detach from him and move forward...it is hard at times, but you can do it and will be better for it....HUGS

rumorhasit posted 4/27/2013 00:56 AM

I agree, NC.

Me kind of wanting to see him makes sense... but he doesn't want to reconcile, and made horrible implications about me, and how unhappy I made him. Given all of that, wouldn't being around me make him more miserable?

Safeguard posted 4/27/2013 03:25 AM

You've made "horrible implications" about him, right here. The guy torturers you emotionally, yet you still "kinda" want to see him.

Often human emotions Aren't very logical. That's why it's so important that we rule our emotions, and not vice versa.

Emotionally immature people get off on the drama triangle. XWBF seem to enjoy, seeing how much he can toy with your life, and you still care. He must feel real special.

Imagine how his ego would deflate, if you moved on without so much as a backwards glance.

[This message edited by Safeguard at 5:03 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]

rumorhasit posted 4/27/2013 11:30 AM

Yes, that is why I'm going NC. I want space to heal.

BrighterFuture posted 4/27/2013 12:13 PM

You're showing strength. If your dad can supervise the visitation, let him do it please. It might hurt you and bring all the emotions back if you see him.

NoraLee posted 4/27/2013 12:25 PM

Time and space away from him will make you stronger. Let your Dad do the visitation - give your WS a taste of life with you not in it...schedule a pedicure during this time (sandal weather is here!!) just pamper yourself and recharge. You're doing great with the 180 so keep up the good work!

PS - your dad is AWESOME for supporting you this way - what a great support!!!

rumorhasit posted 4/27/2013 13:21 PM

My dad is s wonderful father and grandfather. My son is lucky to have a very involved "Papa".

Today DS is going to the local nature center with XWBF and his older brother and his wife and hopefully DS's sister. My dad is dropping off and picking up. I regard the brother and wife as responsible adults so I am okay with this. I have specified that OW (aka Mrs. Robinson) is not allowed around the kids. After the way she yelled at DD's mom, no way.

So hopefully this all goes well.

Safeguard posted 4/27/2013 21:58 PM

Glad to hear your staying strong Rumor,( love Adele, btw!), Your Dad sounds awesome! My kids used to call my Dad Papa too. He's passed on now, so that made me smile. Thanks.

[This message edited by Safeguard at 9:59 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]

rumorhasit posted 4/28/2013 10:01 AM

Glad I made you smile :)

I'm grateful that my son has a great role model in my dad, so he has someone to look up to other than his POS cheating father.

The visit went well. DS's uncle posted pics on facebook. XWBF looks annoyed in all of them like he doesn't want to be there. The kids are smiling though :)

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