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KBeguile (original poster member #38348) posted at 6:41 AM on Saturday, April 27th, 2013
I can tell I've changed a LOT since I first came here.
Currently, I'm on assignment out of town on business with a handful of my co-workers, all but one of whom are male, and only one of the guys is older than me.
That said, I went out with them this evening, as I was curious to see what they all wanted to do, and I've been encouraged to network with the other people we are meeting here from other companies. I watched, quietly masking my shame and horror, as all three of the men (one married, one engaged, one unknown) have stared, ogled, and hit on the women at the conference. Even worse is when I express my concerns to my female co-worker and am informed that "you just need to learn how to flirt harmlessly."
It's weird. I have what I feel are proper boundaries now, and I get to see the actions of people who do not. It's also scary. I understand that not everyone has the same relationship dynamic that Heart and I do now, but I honestly worry about the women in their lives who may or may not have any idea this stuff is going on.
Thanks to all of you wonderful people who have helped me improve things about myself that I never knew were broken.
I can't wait to get back home.
Me: WS 34
Her: BS 37 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 7yo
M: 9 years
DDays: 2012/11/14-2013/02/05, 2013/03/09, 2016/02/19
Mack9512 ( member #38619) posted at 12:44 PM on Saturday, April 27th, 2013
Is there really such a thing as "harmless flirting" when you are married or in a committed relationship?
"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 12:48 PM on Saturday, April 27th, 2013
No, there isn't such a thing as harmless flirting.
Kbeguile, it's good that you're getting to a place where you have firm boundaries. Continue to stay vigilant.
ETA Where did you and co-workers go? Was Heart comfortable with your going out?
[This message edited by authenticnow at 6:56 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
disillusioned12 ( member #37542) posted at 1:01 PM on Saturday, April 27th, 2013
I agree with Authentic Now. My STBX's harmless flirting with other women throughout our relationship was rug swept by me. Now here I am a BS about to D an unremorseful WS.
BS (Me)
WS (H)
Married 5 yrs; Together 10 yrs
D-Day 11/14/12
EA(PA?)
Limbo 1 month
False R 2 months.
Status: Divorce on hold
Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 1:24 PM on Saturday, April 27th, 2013
"you just need to learn how to flirt harmlessly."
Former "Harmless" flirt here. Oh look...I'm a card carrying SI member. 
AN raised a very good question. How did Heart feel about you going out?
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
KBeguile (original poster member #38348) posted at 3:15 PM on Saturday, April 27th, 2013
As it was the last time I had to make one of these runs (to meet with our software provider), Heart and I had to work out our communications and it was really rough, since it was so soon after D-Day.
This time, I feel a little different, at least. More secure in some respects, less in others (like being self-conscious about being at restaurants by myself). However, I kept in constant communication with Heart and was always available to her. I hope that's helped her, because I know it's helped me. 
We even got in some FaceTime and Diablo 3 one night. It was probably the highlight of this conference. 
Me: WS 34
Her: BS 37 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 7yo
M: 9 years
DDays: 2012/11/14-2013/02/05, 2013/03/09, 2016/02/19
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