SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Should I end R

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

sadminnie posted 4/27/2013 01:25 AM

Last night should have been fun, it was the first night out with my new workmates. First bar we go into and the OW works there!! It really bothered me but I rose above it and didnt say anything. Then my WS picked me up at the end of the night and was a total idiot to me calling me every name under the sun, all because I was waiting on my own (my friends we singing in the karaoke bar) outside for him. He has mean so distant past few days and then for him to be so Nasty has made me really evaluate things. I don't need to be spoke to or treated like I'm the cheat when I'm not. Should I end it??

PinkJeepLady posted 4/27/2013 04:09 AM

Oh Minnie, I am sad for you! No you do not deserve to be called names or treated badly, especially not now!
I ask myself the same thing often, "should I end it?". It's exhausting isn't it? It all seems so uncertain to me.
I am sorry I don't have an answer for you, I believe that the answer to that will come to you. When you feel like there is nothing else you can do....the maybe it's time? You will have to feel an inner peace either way.
I am wishing you the best, you deserve to be loved and respected! Take care

Safeguard posted 4/27/2013 06:52 AM

Hi Mini,
Maybe time for NC/180. I read a recent post where you stated:

"shall i tell him its over, becuase either way it cant be as bad as it is now."

Truth is, if you stay with an remorseful WH... yes it can be "as bad". It can be worse unfortunately.

please protect your precious heart. No one deserves to be screamed at.

[This message edited by Safeguard at 6:53 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]

authenticnow posted 4/27/2013 06:54 AM

Is he doing anything to show you that he is actually in R?

His behaviors last night definitely don't indicate that he is.

I'm sorry that he treated you that way. I agree with the others. You don't deserve that.

Theradin posted 4/27/2013 08:49 AM

Sorry your WS contributed to a shitty night for you.

My instincts tell me that you shouldn't end R just because of that, or in the 'heat of the moment'. Take a day or two to cool down and reevaluate how you feel. I would definitely advise NOT rushing to decisions, especially ones that so final.

Consider following the 180 (see the Healing Library) and focusing on yourself during this time. Your WS has his own shit to work out, and you don't need to be any part of it.

confused615 posted 4/27/2013 10:10 AM

Im guessing he was pissed that you were outside,because he was hoping to go in and catch a glimpse of the OW.

This is not R. From all of the posts I've read,you have never been in R. He is unremorseful,mean,and is doing nothing to repair the damage he has done.

((((sadminnie))))

sadminnie posted 4/27/2013 10:18 AM

Thanks for all your advice and replys. I have told him its over. I told him that he can't really want this to work if he is being so awful to be when I have done nothing wrong, I told him if he really wanted us then he would have tried more and not made me feel how he has. Lets hope I get through this

Safeguard posted 4/27/2013 21:54 PM

(((Mini)))

I fully concur with Confused! He was hoping to go in and gimps OW. That's just mean.

I am praying for strength for you. We will be here for you, with kindness you deserve. Sorry for your pain. Your WH is a guaranteed ticket to pain. Come here instead.

Jojosam posted 4/28/2013 07:44 AM

I'd like to applaud you for not kicking OW's ass!! I don't know if I could hold back. The OW in my case sent an email (that I got a hold of) that made fun of me for trying to nail them. Listed all the different things I had pointed out to my WS that signaled cheating. You are much more of a woman than me. Kudos to you!!!

blakesteele posted 4/28/2013 08:29 AM

((((sadminniee))))

God be with you both.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:29 AM, April 28th (Sunday)]

sadminnie posted 4/29/2013 01:16 AM

Thanks for all your kind words. Well I told him I couldn't be like this anymore and said I'm not gonna carry on like this if this is how it's going to be then its over. I made sure I was out his way all weekend seeing for only a couple of mins each day. He has asked if tonight we can talk (if you have read any of my other posts he doesn't do taking) so I just asked what so you can say its over and he said no, not for that but to discuss the situation. I don't understand what he would want to say that we haven't already said? I'm really anxious about it, me saying its over is one thing but then if in going to hear that from him in dreading it . I have got to get though all today thinking about it .

sadminnie posted 4/29/2013 01:16 AM

Thanks for all your kind words. Well I told him I couldn't be like this anymore and said I'm not gonna carry on like this if this is how it's going to be then its over. I made sure I was out his way all weekend seeing for only a couple of mins each day. He has asked if tonight we can talk (if you have read any of my other posts he doesn't do taking) so I just asked what so you can say its over and he said no, not for that but to discuss the situation. I don't understand what he would want to say that we haven't already said? I'm really anxious about it, me saying its over is one thing but then if in going to hear that from him in dreading it . I have got to get though all today thinking about it .

confused615 posted 4/29/2013 06:01 AM

He probably wants to tell you it's in the past and you need to get over it.

If he refuses anything less than full transparency,honesty,IC,and NC, then tell him you're not interested. Don't settle for less than what you need.

I think I can posted 4/29/2013 06:59 AM

He just wants to keep cake-eating. He wants you and the OW.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.