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Newest Member: timeheals (61501)

User Topic: Attending a wedding
♀ 35862
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This will be the first wedding we've attended at church since DDay. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it when they say their vows.

Part of me wants to be hopeful. The other part is SO jaded.

Me: BS H: WS
4 kids
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 962 | Registered: Jun 2012
♀ 32826
Member # 32826
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a wedding up north this year that I am skipping because I can not handle a wedding yet. Good luck!

BS me
WS him
OW my former friend and neighbor
Dday 1 2/20/11
Dday 2 3/08/11
Dday 3 3/05/14 {Fully Disclosed every lie}
Two little ones
Married 19 years at the time of dday 1

Posts: 209 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: USA
♀ 33227
Member # 33227
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My first wedding after D-day I cried at the vows! Not something I've ever done before, but I wasn't the only one (though I'm sure my reason may have been different to many).

If you're there together then it's another chance for your WS to support you through something difficult and possibly bring you closer together? But yes, it's a strange mixture of hope and bitterness/jadedness for me at weddings now

Married 11 years, together 14.
1 child, aged 8.
XWS (34)
Me (32)
D-day 11/08/11
Attempted R and ALMOST made it
D April 2015

Almost doesn't count.

Posts: 1899 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: United Kingdom
♂ 38518
Member # 38518
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can imagine it would be pretty tough to attend a wedding, especially given your situation.

Mine is interesting in that my WW attended a wedding with her AP, and were photographed together, arms locked in arms. I think she had the foresight to remove her wedding ring, though, so that's kind of cool.

Weddings will never be the same for me, at least if I'm in attendance with my WW. Going alone or with a friend would be fine, I think.

Just be strong, maybe have a few shots of tequila before you go..!

BH (me): 35
WW: 34
1 kid (7 y/o)
multiple affairs spanning our entire 11-year marriage
multiple d-days over the last 3 years (most recently: 1/3/2016)
divorced and finally released from this prison: 2/26/2016

Posts: 199 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ 37055
Member # 37055
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've survived 2 weddings since DDay. The first was an uncomfortable roller coaster that I was not prepared for about 6 months out It didn't help that the intimate ceremony expounded on unity of the marriage and the wants of each partner falling away to be replaced by the needs of new one, etc. The readings and the officiant seemed to go of the way to
highlight specific failures in our marriage and reiterate theimportance of even avoiding opposite sex friends. It felt like an assault!
We sat in the car after and I remember saying " shit, that was harder than I ever could have imagined." stupidly, we thought the super party couple's reception would be relaxing. It wasn't and our song from our first dance was played before we could leave.
I pretty much cried off and on the whole time, but at the time I had been looking forward to going. The couple was such good friends we couldn't not go and to this day they don't know about our problems-only my sister,IC and Mc know. The entire thing was ackward and uncomfortable but it did lead to some good in-depth talks with WH...
Second wedding was the end of March 2013. The service lasted 15 minutes or less in a super crowded church with mostly just distracting music and didn't bother me in the least. My only thought was How the ceremony seemed to minimize the importance of marriage itself and then off for free booze at the swanky club. Our wedding song was played at the second wedding but WH and I weren't together. He went to the bathroom before it started then I escaped to the bathroom to get away from the music and by the time I came out again and he found me, song was over-fissure averted

After the October wedding fiasco, we skipped a Nov wedding. The two weddings we have gone to were ones that we couldnt blow off, but weddings have a whole new feel to me now and I no longer look forward to them and still can't listen to our wedding song. I am not sure I ever will. Also didn't celebrate wedding anniversary this year. This sh*t is hard!

[This message edited by manybrokenpieces at 10:54 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]

Dday 4-12-12
5 yr LTA with married coworker
2 kids
Married 13 yrs, in R

Posts: 80 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 35799
Member # 35799
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only wedding I have attended since D-day has been our daughter's.

Trying to do the mother of the bride thing and watch WH walk our daughter up the aisle and do a bible reading was so hard. Our daughter looked radiant - as she and our new SIL took their vows I got very tearful. It was hard to focus on them and not to think of all I've lost.

When WH did his father of the bride speech saying to our new SIL to treat her well, I had to bit my lip hard enough to make it bleed to stop me making any sound.

We have one daughter and the months leading up to her wedding were supposed to so exciting and special for me, as we arranged things together. I feel he has robbed me of so many things.

I don't want to feel jaded either but I do. Maybe in time weddings will go back to being something we associate with hope and joy.

On D-day:
BS 47 (me)
WH 51 - Toasted22
M 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24) at discovery.
D-Days 2012 23 - 24 May + TT
D-Day 2013 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA once 2010

Posts: 915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: NZ
Topic Posts: 6

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