Shut down the bakery, see a lawyer, show him that you're nobodies second choice.
Good luck. I know it sucks.
Mine said if I did not like the hours he spends on the phone with OW, I could file the papers and he would sign them. He would talk to her because he likes talking to her.
I was in the same shoes, and my only reaction, not choice, was to file for divorce, and I recommend the same for you. You can always "un-file", as the situation warrants, but right now it is the only option to get you out of cake eating limbo forced upon you.
You might Google:
"just let them go"
and see if that helps give you strength; I know it did for me. Best of luck, and I am very sorry for your pain.
P.S. Here is a great passage from "just let them go":
"Look wife/husband, I won't be in an open relationship with you, I won't give you X number of days, weeks, months to make your mind, if you really feel like you need to sit on the fence on this decision and can't decide between your affair partner and me well I will make the decision for you, you can be with them because I'm no longer an option. I love you and wish you a good life with them and hope it works out for you because it didn't work out for us. Now the best thing we can do for each other is to make this process as graceful and peaceful as possible for us and our children, I'll contact a lawyer/mediator and get started on the process of our legal separation/divorce."
The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...
I told my WH I was fighting for him, our kids, and our family. I wasn't going to let some little fling ruin almost 15 years. So we are working on it. I know my story is not the same and I have read enough on these forums to know that sometimes it doesn't go in that direction.
Hang in there. Cry, sleep, eat, pray, and figure out what you want. Ill be praying for you.
At the time, I didn't know what to do. I wasn't on SI.com, I didn't have books, I basically had to just go off how I felt (which was really fucked up in such a traumatic state, BTW).
Knowing what I know now, the Healing Library, the 180, etc. I wouldn't tolerate that for one second. If the situation were to have started NOW, now that I know how to respond to an A, I would have given her an ultimatum. Either you NC immediately, or you leave the house and I file for D. No middle ground, no negotiation. Period!
If you think about it, right now, you are at the mercy of the man who has emotionally abused and traumatized you. You do not deserve to be at his mercy. You should be in full control and charge of your life, your mind and your heart. Tell him YOU need time to figure out what you want, and in the meantime, there is surely a Motel 6 down the road that he and his AP can stay at. I hear the cockroaches make good company in those hotels.
It's tough, but you have to take a tough stance and show him you will not tolerate the abuse toward you and your family. If he can't accept that, then in a way, he has already answered how he feels about you and his family unit.