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Irolnyatbest posted 4/27/2013 11:42 AM

WH was about 45 min away all last week for training for work. He stayed in a hotel. It was a rough week but I powered through.

We have been living apart but trying to reconcile. I started forcing down some walls a week or so ago. Just realized I had to give him more and stop protecting as much of me if I want to give us every chance of success.

More exciting is that I've been looking for a house to buy. I will buy it but he hope is of course to live there together. I found one last week I loved and put an offer in. After almost a week of going back and forth with the seller and them missing deadlines I got the signed counted offer late Thursday. I am officially under contract. It's a short sale, so on to bank approval.

I was over the moon excited. Called my H 4 times and texted and ten said screw it I'm driving down there! He is going to be the first person that knows and I am too excited not to share.

Sad that it occurred on the way there that he might not be answering because he might be with someone. But I pushed that fear down. I showed up and he had just gotten back to the room from eating and having drinks with a guy who he was training with. He was so excited and happy , laughing at how cute he thought I was for being so exited. It was the guy I married.

Ironically I had spent the night with him the night before and worn an outfit I hadn't worn since last year. It was what i wore the night before I caught him with OW. it put a smile on my face to realize I'd just wiped that terrible memory with a wonderful memory to associate from now on.

So a silly little thing, taking back an outfit (which I love) and a huge thing...my future home and future is in my hands. I'm so excited and praying things go smoothly with the bank from here

SisterMilkshake posted 4/27/2013 11:46 AM

Congratulations! Happy for you.

LA44 posted 4/27/2013 12:05 PM

I needed to read this.

Just realized I had to give him more and stop protecting as much of me if I want to give us every chance of success.

Never know when you write these things if they will help others.

Happy for you and this experience.
LA

Irolnyatbest posted 4/27/2013 12:14 PM

Thanks!

LA- I agree. I realized that if I don't tell him I love him when I feel it, the emotion doesn't change. It won't hurt less or make my love less if I'm disappointed or hurt again. He just doesn't get the positive reinforcement he's craving to continue pushing to be better. Our relationship is better in the last week and a half since I've started reciprocating.

LA44 posted 4/27/2013 12:40 PM

I recall reading that in After the Affair - that you cannot wait until you feel 100% loving to reciprocate as you might never get there. But if you feel it - say it/give it.

She also writes that at some point - if there is no response from the hurt spouse towards the TRULY REMORSEFUL unfaithful spouse, he/she could potentially give up thinking it might never happen.

Good for you!

Alex CR posted 4/27/2013 13:07 PM

Good for you! We take those small steps and they all add up......