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Newest Member: PregnantNurse (61778)

User Topic: Steps to take
♀ 39073
Member # 39073
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out a month ago that my husband was involved in an emotional affair. It explains a lot about his behavior toward me for the past year or so.

He is hanging on to the idea that he tried his best and I just don't communicate well enough for him to want to be with me anymore.

He is passive but he has many friends to help him. He is out with one now.

I need to take steps to protect myself. I stayed home with the kids for the past 23 years. They will all be flying in September.

What steps do I need to take to protect myself. What questions do I need to ask a lawyer?

I don't want to face this. I have been so afraid and still am. I think I might feel safer if I know the answers to these questions though. I don't want a divorce but I am pretty sure my husband does.

Me - BS (53) Him-WS(58)
Her OW(55) HighSchoolGirlfriend
Together 30 years Married 28 Kids 24,21,18
D day Feb 26 2013 after 20 months
D day March 4 they met again "to say goodbye"
D day April 2 found out about secret email

Posts: 195 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 24961
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you have to go through this LearningToFly.

When you go speak to a L, tell them your story. Married xx years. Stay at home mom for the past 23 years, your age. Ask what your State/Province (don't know where you are) guidelines are for spousal support/alimony. If it's just for a timeperiod, can it be lifetime because of your long marriage and you being SAHM for so long, college for the kids.

I think in your situation, that is the important parts. Others will be along with more, I'm sure

BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.

Posts: 5921 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Make out a list (Quicken is great if you already have it) of EVERY bank account, credit card, mutual fund, cars/boats, house(s), stocks/bonds, property, loans/mortgage, you name it. You need to assign a value to these things and if they are jointly or individually owned.

Make a photocopy of everyone's birth certificate, social security cards, and driver's license.

Inventory the contents of your safety deposit box.

Meet with several top-notch lawyers in your area. In my area lawyers do not have free consultations, in other areas they apparently do. The reason to meet with the best is so that your husband doesn't have one of them representing HIM.

You will very likely get life-time spousal support (formerly known as alimony) due to the long-term nature of your marriage and that you were a SAHM. But this will depend on your age and ability to find a job to support yourself, so don't be surprised if the possibility of NO spousal support is at least discussed.

You'll want to make sure that your children's college education is covered in the paperwork. Who's going to pay for it? Also, in some states children who are in college still get child support. Find out about that.

Find out about you getting to keep the house, at least during the divorce process. This is called "exclusive use". For a SAHM (this is me, too!), knowing you can stay in your home while you have no way to pay for an apartment or even someone's couch to flop on is a big deal.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 3

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