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persevere (original poster member #31468) posted at 9:59 PM on Saturday, April 27th, 2013
Since D was final. I thought I was ok with it, certainly better than last year, but right now it's kind of hitting me. I don't miss him but it still hurts on some level.
BF is spending the weekend with me, he went home to do some stuff but will be back in a bit. We talked about it this morning and I was good.
The after affects of all of this seem to lessen but I hate how long it takes...
DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
time2grow ( member #35983) posted at 10:48 PM on Saturday, April 27th, 2013
I think it takes longer than most realize. My D was final 2 1/2 years ago and I’m finding things that I want to work on before I get serious about a relationship. I thought I was ready to move on a couple of years ago but discovered quickly how wrong I was. As I become more comfortable and content with myself, I find my mind drifting to the things I look forward to having. You’re not alone, on some level I believe the pain will always be there but in time and working on myself I find it does dissipate.
gma56 ( member #19595) posted at 11:13 PM on Saturday, April 27th, 2013
I passed the 5 yr mark and still working on my issues that were blown up because of the infidelity.
I agree with you, the after shocks takes a long time to lessen but I'm finding the damage with my own issues are just as difficult and takes a long time to work through. 
No fast path out of this, is there ?
I don't miss him but it still hurts on some level.
For me most of the hurt was from the broken dreams/plans and rejection.
Hugs and you are still working through the shitty path we were put on.
Hugs
Gma
BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.
Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 12:33 AM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013
No one gets married with the idea that they'll get divorced some day. I didn't want to divorce because it felt like failure; I came to realize that the failure would have been staying married to a cheater.
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 1:52 AM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013
It took me almost 5 years before I let go of the dreams we had as a married couple. Then a couple more years of no plans. Now I am planning.
It is 10 years since he was told to leave. 9 1/2 since the divorce.
It takes as long as it takes you to process the changes. Take your time... we will be here.
Hugs,
K
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 2:58 AM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013
(((persevere)))
Not much more that you can do than you already are. Just continue to communicate the fears and feelings to your SO
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