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How do you make a Ws understand hb??

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Offhispedestal posted 4/27/2013 16:17 PM

Everything going great today until out of nowhere we end up in a heated discussion about sex.
I was out early today with daughter looking for prom dresses. He was at work and would be home around 11:30 am and then returns for the rest of his shift at 6 pm
By 11:05 he was already calling me to see if I would be home soon to spend time with him before he had to go back to work. I was already on my way home and he was so happy putting smiley faces and exclamation points. We were home alone since dd went to other stores determined to find her dress.
My H starts fooling around kissing me and tugging my jeans... I was on board with this 100% well he leans over and tells me he wants ....warning TMI ....anal. Right away I was hesitant and he noticed of course. I REALLY wanted everything but that today. He just wanted that and just that and didnt want to do anything besides that. So he tells me why do I put restrictions on that??
I told him I don't in fact it was 2 days ago that we did that! He says fine and turns around and tries to take a nap... But doesn't. Starts telling me why was I all into that months ago and it was often and yes we had sex like 8-10times a week and we both wanted it. Now I'm totally content with 4-5 times a week.
I feel like when I'm not into that , that he says in his head "we'll MOW never said no". I just blurted that out and he sat up quickly and said "wtf are you thinking!? Her who?" Like he's long forgotten who "her" is! He says he dos not think of that at all and I need to get that thought out of my head because he is with who he loves....
I remember once when he was in the A and was stranger to me, he actually told me once that "the word no doesn't exist" meaning about MOW. he told me that like 2+ yrs ago. It's still fresh in my brain.
I didn't shut up and I should have really. I started telling him that maybe he should find a woman that just loves to get it up the .....everyday. That maybe he wasnt happy with me now and he should just find someone else.

I shouldn't have kept it going and so now there is silence in my house. We just look at each other in silence. His face just looks sad. He's not the type to be super open and I'm the only person who has gotten him to spill his guts.
I don't know if I'm looking for advice,2x4's or to see if anyone relates?

catlover50 posted 4/27/2013 16:42 PM


I feel that you were bullied. That's not fair. His rejecting you because you didn't want exactly what he wanted is immature and mean spirited.

A free and passionate sex life is one in which BOTH partners feel safe.

Of course you will remember the " no" comment--is that really his ideal sex partner?

Sure you probably beat him up, but for obvious reasons.

Offhispedestal posted 4/27/2013 17:18 PM

He left for work looking ashamed and he just didnt say much he just kept giving me kisses. Actually that type is not his ideal partner. He told me after the A that everything comes at a price. Yeah in the beginning she said and did everything in his wildest dreams. She wasnt even upset over him feeling down or sad over me. Instead she would comfort him, he said he even cried with her once over me! She acted very very supportive. After he ended it he tells me as soon as she felt I was out of the picture , she was very spiteful. And had lied about how may A's she had and was still having sex with her recently divorced husband and my H at the same time.
So ideal partner I think not lol
I hate talking about the A at this point. When it does come up I feel it's like beating a dead horse. But when I have to say something , I just get the courage and say it. We both hate how we get afterward with silence. If it wasnt for the F!$? A we would have the best relationship at this point. But he did this and we can't erase it.

In a way that is how I felt like he was being immature and selfish. "If we can't play my way, we cant play at all"
He can and does compromise in everything else but he gets like this sometimes only over that specific sex style/position

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