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catlover50 posted 4/27/2013 17:33 PM

So our DD is home from college ( yes I know it's early). Puts a bit of a damper on us, plus I've been in pain from a injury for two weeks. I have been thinking and talking some about the A, which I haven't much lately. H is worried DD may hear. We haven't told our college age children any of this. R has been going very well.

She was aware of DDay #1-- I told her we were divorcing and she had heard us fighting over the 2 years of calls/ texts.

I just imagined telling her, sorry honey, he was actually having sex with that woman for almost 4 years!

And it just crashes down on me again. Of course she would expect that I would have thrown him out. I think she wouldn't respect me. I have this thin suit of armor around me--he was damaged, he's changed, it wasn't about me, blah, blah, blah.
Then I'm hit again--he f&$ked another woman for four years. Yikes.

[This message edited by catlover50 at 5:33 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]

authenticnow posted 4/27/2013 17:51 PM

For us, it's a little tough when DD is home from college. We have gotten so used to being able to just talk freely and sometimes I get a moment of panic when we do, realizing she is home.

It's a lot of pressure feeling torn and pulled in different directions.

I think it's important for you to find a safe, private place to talk to your H about your feelings when you need to.

I hope your injury heals quickly.

Conflicted1 posted 4/28/2013 10:17 AM

With you catlover50. My oldest daughter who is married now is very judgemental about my being a "doormat" as she puts it. I'm not sure she will ever respect my decision to reconcile. Heck some days I am not sure i do.

catlover50 posted 4/28/2013 12:02 PM

Thanks guys! Got some sleep last night and was able to ride my bike today!

Conflicted, I'm having one of those days myself. Sometimes it just really hits me. I'm trying not to react, since the feeling usually goes away.

Lionne posted 4/28/2013 18:26 PM

I just wanted to commiserate with you. DS#1 lives with us part of the time. It definitely hinders "open" communication, read "letting it all out." It isn't easy, now that we have learned to be honest.

I just wanted to tell you that I feared what would happen if my two DSs found out that I stayed with a FWH. And mine is a F SA...my kids are wonderful, and I'll bet your DD would be, also. They were 21 and 25 initially, I told them only a little, but they know most of the story without the gory details. They are getting to know their dad, with his faults and all, and knowing each other as adult men.

I think it may be different with a girl. I sense that girls may feel more betrayed by a wayward father. IDK.

But hugs anyway. I think whether you choose to tell her at some point or not, you deserve to have her support, not AGAINST her father, but as a woman/friend, as your relationship evolves. At that time, maybe it will be time to tell her the story.

catlover50 posted 4/28/2013 19:22 PM

Thanks scaredy kat.

Having one of those days and constantly have to be aware of where she is. I may have to tell her one day, but I'd rather she didn't know at this time.

This stuff just sucks!