Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: LonelyandUnsure

New Beginnings :
head space

This Topic is Archived
default

 Amazonia (original poster member #32810) posted at 3:44 AM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013

I found out today (completely unsolicited) that XH and OW are moving to Vermont this summer. The friend who told me didn't know details, and it really doesn't matter, but it wouldn't surprise me if it were his "dream job." The timing and location both make sense. If it is, I'm glad for him, because I remember how much he wanted it, and I do think he could be good at it.

Kind of weird, I don't really feel anything about it, yet I feel compelled to tell people. Like, people who don't know him or anything about him.

Why is that?

Bleh. 99% of the time, I never even think about the fact that I was married once-upon-a-time anymore. Go away, XH, get outta my head, you deserve no space here.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6314938
default

Survivor3512 ( member #37946) posted at 4:22 AM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013

I feel the same way. But my x still takes up lots of head space. I'm working on it. You are a strong lady and are doing fantastic (you're one of my SI role models ). I'm sure this is just a temporary feeling for you.

Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

posts: 293   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2012   ·   location: Southeastern U.S.
id 6314995
default

SBB ( member #35229) posted at 5:38 AM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013

You invested a lot of time in him and rooted for him once the same way you rooted for your own hopes and dreams. They kind of get intertwined, I suppose.

This news closes one of the chapters of the man you once knew.

Like he was the husband of someone you once knew and he has reached a milestone you've known about for some time.

It makes sense to me that way. A bit of trivia about someone you used to know. That is all.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

posts: 6062   ·   registered: Apr. 4th, 2012   ·   location: Australia
id 6315070
default

cayc ( member #21964) posted at 6:10 AM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Hmm. Vermont isn't his home state. So much for being pissy with you that you didn't want to return "home".

Ugh. I'm glad you're sanguine about hearing any news about him and can even be generous by being glad for him.

Still though, idk what's up with a friend who thinks you need to know this, unless she was glad to know that now there's no risk of accidentally running into him. That surely is a plus. Now he can not be in your head and not be in your city.

posts: 3446   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2008   ·   location: Mexico
id 6315088
default

timeforchange ( member #27454) posted at 7:14 AM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Amazonia

For me your post shows you are indifferent to him.

It is like "oh xyz has a new job and is moving... That's nice ... Now where did I put my keys".

The fact that you can be generous to be pleased for him and then to move on with your day without the news stirring up a hornets nest of

emotions shows you are indifferent.

Yeah for indifference

Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”

posts: 726   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2010   ·   location: Expats in Europe
id 6315115
default

 Amazonia (original poster member #32810) posted at 12:56 PM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013

Cayc, yes, she told me in the context to me not running into him (which I never have), and also because she works with him and we were talking about which of their other colleagues are leaving at the end of this school year.

I think I reached indifferent maybe a year ago? I'm still not sure how I would react if I ran into him.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6315214
default

traicionada ( member #10310) posted at 1:25 PM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013

I'm still not sure how I would react if I ran into him.

I have wondered that a few times and eventually come to the conclusion I will behave like a civilized human being because his choices don't longer control my emotions or behavior and I am quite please with that

Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

posts: 4020   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2006   ·   location: Dallas, Texas
id 6315228
default

cmego ( member #30346) posted at 3:05 PM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013

ehhh...I think it is normal. He WAS a part of your life, so a little head space is OK.

Plus, I think being glad for him is a sign that you have let go It is true indifference.

me...BS, 46 years old.
Divorced

posts: 4745   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2010   ·   location: South
id 6315303
default

Survivor3512 ( member #37946) posted at 8:26 PM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013

T/J: I am so jealous reading some of these replies. I wish I didn't have to see or communicate with xh. We share custody, so I have to see him and communicate with him on a regular basis. It makes it harder to get over him, I think. End T/J.

Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

posts: 293   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2012   ·   location: Southeastern U.S.
id 6315520
default

stretch13 ( member #26894) posted at 2:15 PM on Monday, April 29th, 2013

sounds like you are processing whatever little bit is hiding...even if that little bit just means showing you that you don't care. maybe your desire to repeat it is just your brain testing you to see if any feelings pop up, and being a touch incredulous that you care so little.

http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac

posts: 3929   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2009   ·   location: east coast
id 6316157
default

 Amazonia (original poster member #32810) posted at 2:38 PM on Monday, April 29th, 2013

You know what's nice? By this morning, I had forgotten all about this.

Survivor3512, re: your t/j, I know that a lot of people look at their divorces and say that their child(ren) is the only good thing to come out of it, and that they wouldn't trade their child(ren) for not having endured the pain, but I gotta be honest - I'm more glad than I can express that XH and I didn't procreate

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6316179
default

stretch13 ( member #26894) posted at 2:57 PM on Monday, April 29th, 2013

By this morning, I had forgotten all about this.

exactly

http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac

posts: 3929   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2009   ·   location: east coast
id 6316205
default

Why?? ( member #18132) posted at 5:12 PM on Monday, April 29th, 2013

Go Ama!!! Love your attitude

I'm thankful my xh is out of town and no common links anymore so no news of him!

Have a great Monday!

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
"If you want something in this life, reach out and grab it."

posts: 2685   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2008
id 6316376
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy