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BrighterFuture posted 4/27/2013 23:05 PM

Well, after I found out about my exfiance affair, I found his phone records and contacted the OW. She was unaware that he was in a relationship, and I gave her all the details, and she was so forthcoming with the details of their affair as well. She told me everything including admitting that they had sex 4 times without protection, the places they went to when I needed to confirm certain dates and times. I also was very honest about the lies he told her. He told her that he was 25years old yet he is 31yrs, said he was living with roommates as a reason for not taking her to his place, said he was doing PhD and was studying and so shouldn't be called at night that she should just text him. I told her all that were lies. She felt used for sex. She was saying that he'd told her that he loved her. I told her if that's true then why was he lying so much to her? why did he tell her that he can only see her 2 times a week after I'd started questioning him? I told her that his love for her wasn't special and that he'd cheat on her too, that the place he'd taken her, we'd gone many times before, I even sent her the pictures to prove it. I however told her that I was done with him, and it was her choice if she wanted him she could have him. She said she couldn't trust him again, but that she was beginning to like him. Well, she said not to contact her anymore after giving me all the details to which I told her that I understood and that I appreciated the information. I knew there was a possibility that she could continue the relationship with him even though she had mentioned being disgusted by him and feeling very used and hurt. The feeling of them continuing their relationship bothered me, but I realized it was out of my hands at that point what they decide to do.

Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago, exfiance and I were sending angry texts back and forth started by him at around midnight when he leaves work and ending at 3am. I couldn't help to think that he's probably alone that's why he's sending me those texts. I thought maybe she left him too. I told exfiance not to send me anymore texts at night, if he had anything to tell me concerning our son, he should do that during the day. I didn't want to used to make up for his loneliness at night. Also, last week on the weekend, he went to visit his friend out of town (his friend tried to ask me if I would be going too, but I didn't repond). My exfiance is not my friend on facebook, but his friend is and his friend put a status update to say he was glad to be visited by him. There was no mention of him visiting with anyone else, just him. Do you think she left him too? I don't know any reason why someone who's in a new relationship will go out of town for the weekend without his new lurve.

[This message edited by VeryHurtbroken at 11:21 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]

Safeguard posted 4/27/2013 23:37 PM

No. I think they are having a lovers spat, because you told her the truth. But I highly doubt she would quit while she's ahead. (Sorry. That's the way these sick people think though.).

Better question might be: what do YOU want?

BrighterFuture posted 4/27/2013 23:48 PM

Yeah, I suspected that they might continue with the affair too, but after telling her the truth, I thought she would be smarter enough to end it. I told her, if I was her I would. They'd only known each other for 3 weeks. But then she doesn't appear to be so smart either. Who can accept so much lies like that? For example, when he told her not to call him at night, just to text him, and when he never took her to his place. I thought she was such a fool to believe those lies. She kept telling me that she hoped we could work it out. I told her that I was done. It was upto her what she decides to do. Another thing, she told me the area she lives and exfiance moved not very far from that area so I suspected that maybe it was to be closer to her.

ETA: Contacted the OW 2 months ago, 1 month we had no contact with exfiance ordered by the judge, and the late night text was 2 week ago, which he stopped when I told him I will not respond to midnight texts, and he travelled out of state for the weekend last week to see his friend.

[This message edited by VeryHurtbroken at 12:01 AM, April 28th (Sunday)]

Safeguard posted 4/28/2013 00:12 AM

Sadly some people feed off drama. Knowing the truth might have put her in "compete" mode. uhhggg. Good for you on the no midnight texts! I'd go complete NC on this guy.

OW is "stupid" enough to be with a liar... you deserve better!

BrighterFuture posted 4/28/2013 00:18 AM

Yep that's exactly what I've been doing. It's been 1 week and 3 days since I last heard from him. I will be forced to respond when he texts wanting to see our son.

Safeguard posted 4/28/2013 01:07 AM

Good for you!

Yeah visitation. That's the area I need to tighten up on.
Our daughter is eight, and he always uses visitation as a way to engage me. I deal with my ex only through text, or email now, but he still try's to call. He loves drama. :/

Take2 posted 4/28/2013 08:16 AM

Meh... I expect that a few good comments will keep her on the line: "I lied cause I'd never met anyone like youuuu... and I just had to get to know youuuu, I'd never felt this way before... I left my F and child for youuu..." Then again, maybe he isn't that attached...

Who knows. Keep your eye on the prize - that would be you and you little one.

BrighterFuture posted 4/28/2013 09:02 AM

I'm trying not to focus too much on whether they're together or not, I'm assuming that they are because I'm sure he's lied to get into her pants again. She actually told me that she liked the sex so that probably kept her. She also told me that she had just broken up with her boyfriend of 4 years because he was a drug addict and would take her money to buy drugs.

[This message edited by VeryHurtbroken at 9:06 AM, April 28th (Sunday)]

hopefulmother posted 4/28/2013 09:12 AM

Thing is you don't know what the OW is like. She may be a good person if since she had no idea that he was already engaged. Maybe you can hope that she will be just as disgusted with what he did too. She may have said "He is not worth it, we have only been together for 3weeks. He is a pig to do that. He was engaged and has a child?" I know if I was single, I would not want a man like that. Especially if I got out of a relationship with a drug addict.

momentintime posted 4/28/2013 11:55 AM

If she gave him the boot, what does that mean for you? Are you hoping he will come back? You know more than the OW about him and his lies. Is he what you want in your future? Seriously you need to answer these questions for yourself.

BrighterFuture posted 4/28/2013 14:40 PM

Nope,it's not like a want him but it's good to know his back up plan didn't work if that's the case. He was unremorseful so I can't consider reconciliation with him.