She makes him feel good about himself (the big strong rescuer). But she is no pure-hearted innocent. She maybe be young and thin and pretty - but she is willing to deceive and betray someone else to make her life "easier". And as for her KISA - well he lost his knighthood when he abandoned the code of honorable men. This will likely end in two downward spirals of self-loathing.
You may have been naive, trusting blindly, (me too...you think after 30 years you know someone...) but He is the fool - not you.
eta: Honey, they always affair down --http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=326449
[This message edited by Take2 at 8:09 AM, April 28th (Sunday)]
so now her arm is pretty much worthless
So now it matches the rest of her. She knew you were married, and somehow this pig decided it was ok to cheat with your H. And of course he lowered his standards. He is feeling bad about himself and has decided to dig down deep to the bottom of the barrel to assuage his bad feelings about himself.
I would even question the story about how she hurt her arm. Maybe it's true, maybe not. But the fact is what she has done is evil. What he has done is evil. And you are the victim here. I'm so sorry.
My H was broken...depressed and spiraling out of control. His AP was uneducated (Jerry springer style) and made him feel smart. She was severely mentally ill (9 meds) making his anxiety and depression look like a walk in the park, she did crazy recreational drugs - some with her kids - and was clearly an alcoholic (making his substance abuse look tame)
meanwhile I was struggling with a daughter who was depressed and cutting and the stronger I was for her and the more I kept myself together to save our family - the more he felt weak and useless. Broken people don't find strong character people to affair with...they find the most pathetic weak creatures that see value in their brokenness...
Please do read the thread that they always affair down. That has helped me tremendously. My WH is the Knight in Shining Armor type. She lives in a tacky little apartment by the train tracks. She's been a single Mom for five years and is looking to remarry. She is tired of being the bread winner (my husband is wealthy, so she found herself a nice sugar daddy). She is younger than me, has big boobs and hit on him. So that fed his ego.
She is new, she has novelty. She is giving him the attention and praise he needs (as we all did when we first met our pigs). He goes through cars like crazy (has probably owned close to 80 cars in the time we were married). She is just like a new car, I was last year's model. He moves out of and into relationships with ease - classic sign of a narcissists.
He sucked what he could out of me and then moved on to the next. That's what they do. Doesn't matter who the people are, it's part of their disease. They are selfish, uncaring, heartless pigs. We care, we love and we have integrity. We are not fools, we trust the people we love to honor us, respect us and hold true to the vows they took with us. Just as we have.
You don't need to feel bad about yourself at all!
Don't feel sorry for this woman, she is very manipulative. She'll manage just fine.
Take care of yourself, and your marriage!