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The more I think about the Ow the more upset I am getting. The thing is she worked for us at our store as counter help and was going through some rough time with her long time BF who she has a 10 year old with. I would work side by side with her and have real friendly conversations. Her BF at the time was being abusive and to make a long story short he ended up hurting her to the point where her arm hurt to move. she was supposed to go for therapy but never would so now her arm is pretty much worthless. Which is terrible. Well anyway she starting taking more and more time off from work with one excuse or the other or just not showing up. I couldn't understand why my husband was letting her get away with it. I guess now I know he was probably attracted to her and felt sorry for her. So I have a feeling this affair started before she quit. I feel so stupid. I don't mean to diminish what happened to her it was terrible, but she knew me and my H and still chose to have an affair with him. She is pretty, thin , and young. But she has issues first the fact that she can't work and has to collect, she doesn't drive just stays at home, lives in a tiny run down apt. I know that shouldn't matter, but what does she have to bring to his table besides sex. What kind of future does he have there I'm sorry but I feel like he lowered his standards. Im rambling, too much going through my head. And I don't want to sound like I'm judgemental of peoples situations and I am not usually, but why would he want to change his life for the worse.

...because "Honey, the always affair down" (a thread back a few pages in JFO, I think.) Sounds like a KISA issue (Knight in Shining Armor) saving the damsel in distress.

She makes him feel good about himself (the big strong rescuer). But she is no pure-hearted innocent. She maybe be young and thin and pretty - but she is willing to deceive and betray someone else to make her life "easier". And as for her KISA - well he lost his knighthood when he abandoned the code of honorable men. This will likely end in two downward spirals of self-loathing.

You may have been naive, trusting blindly, (me too...you think after 30 years you know someone...) but He is the fool - not you.

eta: Honey, they always affair down --http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=326449

[This message edited by Take2 at 8:09 AM, April 28th (Sunday)]

Dear Savvy,

so now her arm is pretty much worthless

So now it matches the rest of her. She knew you were married, and somehow this pig decided it was ok to cheat with your H. And of course he lowered his standards. He is feeling bad about himself and has decided to dig down deep to the bottom of the barrel to assuage his bad feelings about himself.

I would even question the story about how she hurt her arm. Maybe it's true, maybe not. But the fact is what she has done is evil. What he has done is evil. And you are the victim here. I'm so sorry.

E.

I don't think you're a fool at all, you trusted people you had every reason to trust. I can tell by your post what a gentle, compassionate person you are dont let these clowns rob you of that or make you feel less of a person. I can't tell you why your H chose her but I can tell you that she is less then you.

Read that thread - they always affair down.

My H was broken...depressed and spiraling out of control. His AP was uneducated (Jerry springer style) and made him feel smart. She was severely mentally ill (9 meds) making his anxiety and depression look like a walk in the park, she did crazy recreational drugs - some with her kids - and was clearly an alcoholic (making his substance abuse look tame)

meanwhile I was struggling with a daughter who was depressed and cutting and the stronger I was for her and the more I kept myself together to save our family - the more he felt weak and useless. Broken people don't find strong character people to affair with...they find the most pathetic weak creatures that see value in their brokenness...

HI savvy,

Please do read the thread that they always affair down. That has helped me tremendously. My WH is the Knight in Shining Armor type. She lives in a tacky little apartment by the train tracks. She's been a single Mom for five years and is looking to remarry. She is tired of being the bread winner (my husband is wealthy, so she found herself a nice sugar daddy). She is younger than me, has big boobs and hit on him. So that fed his ego.

She is new, she has novelty. She is giving him the attention and praise he needs (as we all did when we first met our pigs). He goes through cars like crazy (has probably owned close to 80 cars in the time we were married). She is just like a new car, I was last year's model. He moves out of and into relationships with ease - classic sign of a narcissists.

He sucked what he could out of me and then moved on to the next. That's what they do. Doesn't matter who the people are, it's part of their disease. They are selfish, uncaring, heartless pigs. We care, we love and we have integrity. We are not fools, we trust the people we love to honor us, respect us and hold true to the vows they took with us. Just as we have.

Yes, read that thread about the other woman. All the advice you just received is excellent!

You don't need to feel bad about yourself at all!

Don't feel sorry for this woman, she is very manipulative. She'll manage just fine.

Take care of yourself, and your marriage!