What was really really hard was having to sit next to him in church for over an hour. Particularly during the sermon which was all about nurturing and caring for your marriage so the love doesn't flicker out. How easy it is to fall in love, but staying in love took effort, respect, work, etc. I couldn't help if, I started crying, to my absolutely horror, in front of him, my kids, 300 congregants including my in laws and mom. I tried to play it off and keep quiet, and said it was because I couldn't believe how big my two older kids are, etc etc. My kids bought it, but I doubt anyone else did.
Afterwards we took pictures, I made sure not to have any with him. It was so very awkward. Then I took the kids out to dinner, minus him, came home and poured a huge glass of wine.
I did get in a cheap shot though. Halfway through the service I leaned over and told him that it was a shame that this new baby wasn't going to be gorgeous like his current three because all OW's children are so hideous. Low blow I know, and horrible to say about children, but sometimes I get so sick of turning the other cheek and taking the high road. His response was was sigh angrily at me, like he can't believe what an angry, hate-filled person I've become. As if it has nothing at all do with him, ha.
It's so difficult to be around him. I'm still in love with him and have so much trouble reconciling the facts of what he did to me with the man I knew. He has been my rock, my best friend, my safety for 12 years. I met him 4 months after graduating high school, that's my whole adult life. I can see and feel how done he is with me, he's simply not in love with me anymore. He has HER now, and the baby on the way. He can sit and talk to me no problem, doesn't try to fight with me, there's no emotions involved at all.
That, I think, is the worst part of all of this. He is done, he simply doesn't love me anymore.
[This message edited by Zamas at 8:39 AM, April 28th (Sunday)]
Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.
It was a huge lightbulb moment for me.
He didn't stop loving you honey - he isn't capable of loving anyone except in the way described in the article.
I've also realised a painful truth. I never really loved him. I didn't know him. The man I thought I loved and married was a mask. I sure did love the way he loved me though so I ignored so many yellow and red flags. I was "special", you see.
I certainly didn't think he would ever cheat on his children's mother and put them through what he and I went through. Never. Ever. Not the man I loved.
I promise it won't always hurt this bad. I was on the floor for months and didn't believe it when they said it to me. But its true.
But he did. And he is definitely NOT the man I believed him to he for all of my life. He is a dirty low down piece of shit under my shoe. And he, like your wayward, deserves all that is coming to him as a result of his despicable behavior as a cheater.
Ugh. Gag me with a stick. It just sucks being reminded over and over again that he is totally over ME though. He doesn't miss me at all.
Girl, he deserves a swift kick to the balls for his shitty comment. Hugs. You WILL be over him someday, and he will realize what he lost. He doesn't deserve you.
And btw, before I knew my wh was cheating but thought we were just having "problems" he too would say how much better off I would be without him. And you know what? He WAS right about that. I'm SO much happier now. I have my bad days/hours, but by and large I'm happier without him.
You'll get there honey - give it time!
You'll find your anger soon enough friend.
Time to kick into full No Contact (read up about it in the Healing Library). It will help you to detach. NC = no new hurts.