We are officially in R and WH is generally being really really good -- reassuring me, reading what I ask him to, discussing it with me, finally opening up about his feelings (for the first time in our whole marriage I actually understand what he's feeling! he has literally never discussed his feelings with me before), we're learning more healthy ways to fight... But.
He adheres to an extremely strict diet, NO cheating or slip-ups allowed, etc. etc.
Well, today is a significant day for him. I don't currently have a car (we traded my car & his car because we're about to move), so if I want to go anywhere or anything I have to ask him. I know this is a huge pain for him because I used to be the main chore / errand person.
He asked me not to do anything for him on this significant day today. When he says "please don't do anything for me," I hear, "don't go spending a ton of money." Okay fine. Well, this morning our rescues were going wild and woke me up at like 5am.
My thought was, I'll do today's errands run so he doesn't have to go to the store today.
What happened was the dog apparently started freaking out because I changed her routine and woke him up. This makes dieting really hard because it's an extra 3 hours he has to be hungry for -- at this stage in the game that is a big deal. It's like, starvation level hunger.
So he called me and yelled at me, and I tried to explain, and he said, "I am really really angry because you can't seem to follow simple directions. I told you not to do anything for me! Now you disrupted the whole day and I'm going to be starving." I apologized but he continued to get angrier and angrier and then I, because I am SO acutely insecure and afraid right now, badgered him a little bit just to get a response, to know we're still okay. (I hate how insecure I am now.) That just made him more mad. He won't let me explain my rationale. I know it looks like I am a horrible listener
I just wish I could defend myself. I am really struggling right now with knowing that the "main other woman" I guess you'd call her is thinner than me and has nice boobs (I despise mine) and I know that's my fault for asking for a picture... I feel so inadequate.... It's just, I don't have much to hold onto when I think, "I'm a better option than OW because x, y, z." So I am holding onto shreds -- the shreds of my ego, it feels like, and I'm so protective of them.... I don't know. I'm so hypersensitive. It sucks.
[This message edited by mysticpenguin at 10:04 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]