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WS took son to meet OW!!!!

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HelpMe123 posted 4/28/2013 17:23 PM

My son was with WS for the weekend alone overnight for the first time ever with anyone other then me. My son(9)filled me in on his and dad's weekend...they went to the dog park yesterday where "we met a lady dad knew and her 6 year old son". I said, did it look like dad planned on meeting her there or just bumped into someone he knew. My son says "mom the lady didn't even come with a dog". I am in total shock over this. He also informed me that "dad told me that he is not making us move from the house but that you want to move, and he played a voicemail for me of you saying I want to move". I told my WS that yes after all that has happened I want to move, and he plays that for our 9 year old son so I look like I'm forcing this! Then my son says "well dad did say that we should move because you are ruining his life"!!!!!!!! I am at a loss for words, I am empty inside

What2do posted 4/28/2013 17:28 PM

What an absolute JERK. And to put your son in such a confusing predicament.

How can anyone live without a sense of shame for shameful behavior.

I am sorry you have to endure this.

Nature_Girl posted 4/28/2013 17:34 PM

Tomorrow your son needs to repeat this to a counselor, lawyer, pastor, school psych, someone. Someone other than you needs to document this.

HelpMe123 posted 4/28/2013 17:37 PM

I fully agree....I will call his counselor first thing in the morning

confused615 posted 4/28/2013 17:37 PM

Considering what you've already told us about this man,this doesn't surprise me. He is a terrible father.

Introducing his son to his whore,less than a month after dday is emotional abuse.

Please get your DS into counseling.

Nature_Girl posted 4/28/2013 17:45 PM

Leave the message tonight on the counselor's answering service. Then type it all out as you remember it. Don't have your son repeat it to you. Forward what you think you heard to the counselor if the counselor accepts email. Otherwise, print it out and take it in with you to hand to the counselor. Don't have any more discussion about this with your son between now & tomorrow when hopefully the counselor can squeeze him in for an emergency debrief.

BTDT

HelpMe123 posted 4/28/2013 17:49 PM

I am in a serious state of shock. Less then 3 weeks ago, I had a life partner, my son had an intact family, and now here we are 2.5 weeks later!!! I could seriously just vomit. I havent eaten a full meal, Ive lost over 10 lbs, can't sleep more than 3 hours a night and each day makes the situation worse. When do I try to contact OW or do I not? He has lied to her too. God this hurts like nothing I have ever experienced.

fourever posted 4/28/2013 18:00 PM

Wow. Grounds for murder!, how dare he manipulate your child!

You need to listen to those who have gone before you.

Get to the attorney. Set the rules. This man is an abusive, juvenile idiot. Refuse to deal with him. He is attempting to push you into doing something you'll regret. Get a restraining order if you can. Just don't let him near you without your attorney.

Pull up your Bitch Boots, tonight, and cut him off at the knees. Be sure to take his income, house, and whatever else he might have. You have earned it all! Especially the good schools and home.

Boots! Up! Be done with "fair". Putting it off one day, just hurts you and your son more. Take control, NOW!

Nature_Girl posted 4/28/2013 18:06 PM

The OW is not your concern. Don't even think about her right now.

Do you have a lawyer? If not, that's your other top priority tomorrow.

Also, you need to secure your finances. If you haven't done this yet, tomorrow (a busy day tomorrow!) withdraw half of all monies in all accounts and put into account(s) in your name only. You need to protect yourself. If your attorney says pull out more than half, pull out more. Because I was a SAHM my attorney told me to take the lion's share of the money. I did, and it's a good thing I did because Asshole immediately withdrew all financial support from me & the children. It took a threat of court/jail to get him to start making money available to us, and even then that took six or seven months to force his hand.

I hope you have a couple friends or relatives in your neighborhood who you can count on. I have a feeling you are in for a very rough ride.

girlsbird posted 4/28/2013 18:25 PM

Oh My Lord. Simply incredible. What a selfish ass. I am sooo very angry right now for you and your DS.

As already stated time to put on the bitch boots, get finances in order and protect yourself and your child.

Do not contact OW. She is not worth your time.

Strength to you and your DS.

Safeguard posted 4/28/2013 18:32 PM

Glad your Son already has a counselor. I hope that you are documenting this entire trainwreck-to-be. I was
terrible at keeping linear written notes. I am not a "day planner" type of person, so I used a voice recorder, to dictate what was going on with my wacko.)

Praying for better days for you and Son.

[This message edited by Safeguard at 6:33 PM, April 28th (Sunday)]

Holly-Isis posted 4/28/2013 19:07 PM

Concentrate on your son and how you're going to deal with this. It will only get worse if you spin your wheels.

This is parental alienation. Follow the advice of others and involve a therapist and lawyer.

EasyDoesIt posted 4/28/2013 19:14 PM

Please don't put your son into the position of ratting out his dad. I'm being as gentle as I can. When you asked him if it appeared that they just ran into each other at the park, or if it seemed like a pre-arranged meeting, you put your son on the spot. I know it's hard to NOT ask these questions. But, I promise you, there are other ways to find out the answers to those questions. If your child feels like he's going to get grilled, he'll not only be overly sensitive to the things that are happening around him, he might just lie to protect whoever needs their feelings protected at the time. Your best response is, "Oh. Did you have a good time?" I'm sorry that your WS did this to you and to your son, but don't play into it. Your son will find out the truth of who his father is without any help from you. If he senses safe ground, he'll probably talk about it anyway.

keptmyword posted 4/28/2013 19:14 PM

Totally selfish, child-minded asshole. Seems like this man doesn't know the meaning of the word "father". He is torpedoing his children's self-esteem and is oblivious or doesn't care.

I know this is all new to you and it's very rough right now but try to start looking at this from a perspective that in the end, you will be much better off without this kind of dysfunctional jerk-off around you. If he's like this at his age - he's just never going to get any better.

hopefulmother posted 4/28/2013 20:40 PM

What?! I thought she didn't have a child. Uhg.... I agree your son will know what type of "father" he is soon enough. I would only contact the OW when he is not around. Andonly if you have absolute proof that you had a relationship with this man till 3weeks ago. Like joint bills, pictures, cards or something to show her that it was a good caring relationship.

PhoenixRisen posted 4/28/2013 20:55 PM

What a loser!
but I agree with EasyDoes it, as hard as is it try not to ask your son questions, or use him as a go between (he should be free to love you and his dad- no matter what a terrible, horrible, loser, husband he was). Instead it's best to plaster on a smile and say "Glad you had fun honey!"

HelpMe123 posted 4/28/2013 20:58 PM

Ya I did not know she had a child. When doing my research I assumed because she was single/never married, and the fact the he is spending almost every night with her, that she had no children. I would NEVER expose my child to a man I just began dating even if it appeared to be becoming serious in such a short time. I am suppose to protect my children from my dating life not invite them in to help father them!!!!

rumorhasit posted 4/28/2013 21:51 PM

I'm so sorry that happened to your son! That is horrible!

(((HelpMe)))

I am also three weeks out. Its so hard when they just leave. Right now XWBF has supervised visitation and no overnights because of concerns that he will bring the kids around Mrs. Robinson. He's already told DD's mom how much more stable he and Mrs. Robinson would be for her. Wtf?? Stable?! Last Saturday he went to pick up DD as usual and said he would be taking her overnight to Mrs. Robinson's place. DD's mom said no way, he could only have her at his/his parents place where he still has a room. He got mad, said she was trying to keep him from seeing DD and left w out her. Now, no overnights, supervised visits.

Children don't need to be dragged into the WS's delusions.

So glad you have your DS in counseling.

k9lover1 posted 4/28/2013 22:20 PM

You need to concentrate on your future and your son's future - not your ex-lover. That is all he is.

This hand writing has been on the wall for at least 3 years when you two started living apart.

Time to take control of your life. He's a jerk and that's putting it nicely.

hailstormer posted 4/28/2013 22:47 PM

The WS do not care about the kids well being when they are with the loser OW. The counselor of my twins asked my WS (after I told the counselor what he was doing) to give the children time to accept the seperation of mom and dad before you bring someone else into their lifes well that lasted about 1 week and they were exposed to her all the time with her staying over at his place too.
Daddy's "friend" poor kids have to endure this bullshit that parents put them up to for their own "happiness"
The counselors told me (my own and the kids) not to ever say anything bad or negative about their father in front of or to them. As far as questioning them it hurts the person finding out the info more. Sometimes its better not to know what is going on.
It is early enough that maybe you can talk to the atty and tell them you want no overnights cause of OW also from my experience the more overnights you give him now that is what they will base the child sharing on when they decide who gets your boy and how many days. They do not want to change the way the child is shared before the divorce so use your common sense now (I learned the hard way) when the child is given to the parent overnight that is considered a day with that parent but if they spend every day and no overnights then they are primarily your full custody. Just sayin for custody and that wonderful child support $
Like my SIL says to me on multiple occasions Use your head not your heart!

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