So STBXH watched the kids overnight for me last night so I could have a girls night. I got home this morning and he was moving stuff out of the house (stuff that I have been asking him for weeks to take over to his new place). He then started asking me about what days he will take the kids next week, etc. I try so hard to be civil with him, but I know my tone isn't the friendliest. He literally makes my skin crawl when I see him though.
Well, dd (5 years old) asked why I was so mean to daddy. I felt terrible, but didn't really know how to answer. I think I may have done this totally wrong. I told her that daddy did some not very nice things to mommy and my feelings are hurt, but that I need to work on forgiving him and try to be nicer. She then told me that she loved daddy and I told her that I was glad she did and that I never want her to not love him and that he loves her too. I then re-affirmed that we both loved her and would always be there for her no matter what happens.
Ugh, I never want to bad mouth him to her, I really don't. However, I also feel like I can't lie to her and put on a happy face when I feel like I'm dying inside. I have to be sort of bitchy around him or I'll cry. I'm just not able to hide my emotions yet. I can't wait until I get to that blissful place of indifference. The extra annoying thing is that dumbass sat there and didn't say a word through any of it. Never once re-assured her that he loved her, nothing. Wouldn't you say something?
He then left and I walked into my bedroom and saw the empty closet. I started to cry. I'm really not even sure of why. I've wanted his stuff out for so long and know that I need this to move forward, but it felt so empty. The sadness just kind of took over realizing that my life has changed forever.