OK, so lots of us have FOO issues. I have FOO issues, my BH has FOO issues.
Today has been so crappy I don’t even know where to start.
I love my MIL, truly love her, BUT she is a piece of work.
BH’s younger brother is in residency, his wife is in a masters PT program in another city, they have a 1 yo dd. The dd stays with my BH’s parents in our city (about 4 hours away from either of her parents) because her mother can’t handle her even though she was in daycare until 5pm every day.
So my sil would say she was unable to write her papers without help for her masters program and would email them to my mil for her to rewrite even though she was keeping her grandchild. Mil would then pass this duty along to my BH and myself to write. My poor BH would be guilted into rewriting these papers until late at night even though he works full time and we have our own kids and plenty of problems right now. I would pitch a fit and end up helping him anyway. These papers would usually be passed on to us at 8pm and be 12 pages or so….fun.
The reason for the proof reading is English is not sil’s first language so having family proof read is reasonable, BUT she would send the criteria for her paper along and want us to also check that she was getting all the points. I told mil nope, I will proof read that’s it. And that is what either BH or I did for the past 6 months or so….
On to today. BH, kids, and I went to his parents for dinner after church. This was a horrible trigger for BH. First time he has been there since d-day since I met om at his parents house once when they were oot. Yes, I know, it’s awful, I have ruined his parents home for my BH. Well, we couldn’t get out of it so my BH endured the visit feeling sick and very badly triggering. BIL who is a first year resident was complaining that it takes him an hour per patient to do discharge summaries and he had 5 to write tonight after his 4 hour drive home. He had tried to work on them at mil’s house but internet was too slow. I told him he could use our internet if he wanted so next thing I know mil is driving bil to our house and my BH after just escaping the trigger house from hell is sitting on the couch writing his brother’s discharge summaries. MIL who isn’t a doctor apparently just came along to make sure BIL got “help”.
My freakin BIL was the one who was “gifted” all the way through school. BH has severe dyslexia and has never had his mother or anyone else do his damned school work for him. He made it through school and residency all by himself. Everything something goes wrong with one of his 4 brothers or any of their family members it is my BH who gets the call to bail them out. What the freak! He is hurting, he is tired, and no one knows but me. I want to strangle people for him.
I can't make BH set boundaries with his family. Maybe I'm wrong to be upset with them because this is the way they have always been. It's the way they are...
I need to help and support my BH. I need to set boundaries with my inlaws. Can I do both?
fWW 40s, BH 40s
D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs.
I edit often to fix stuff ☺️
Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.