BS here...but masturbation , my masturbation, has hurt our intimacy....pre-A.
I understand HIS feeling of not wanting to burden you...but dont condone it. Continue to do what you did...engage him, encourage him to engage you. Even if the end result is NOT sex...it still builds intimacy.
Now I see it in a different light. It DOES have the potential to hurt intimacy.
Being a BS though...the rejection my wife showed me was stark and pronounced...it is VERY hard for me to initiate sex...even when my wife initiates it is tough and sometimes I cant continue.
But your husband is in a different vantage point then I am. He really needs to continue to engage through the tough parts...the tough parts being to engage and discuss with you even though you are sad or mad.
In addition, it sounds as if it were just a few days since you last had sex.
I am currently wrestling with the assumed fact that men somehow NEED sexual release. I believed that once, but have since found that the sex drive, just like other emotions can be controlled. I know there are chemicals inside our bodies driving us to do things...but we can release and deal with them in ways that dont hurt intimacy.
I believe your husband really needs to think about anything and everything that could damage the fragile threads of intimacy that still bind you two....if you are like me, these threads are so valuable and small in numbers...need to nurture them at every opportunity.
I am committed to my wife...and am working to change some of my habits as well as challenge societys assumptions regarding masturbation and the male need to have sex.
I dont have the answers....just keep talking with your husband.
We are all LEARNING what it means to R. This is a process.
God be with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 9:28 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]
ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.