SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Butterfly24 posted 4/29/2013 14:54 PM

I am so pissed off at my husband, he cheated with a prostitute. He is saying all the right things, doing all the right things, but I can't stand to even look at him.

I was always ready to have sex with him, it was him who wasn't interested in me. The online crap, porn and now the prostitute. It's just so sickening to me.

I don't believe in sex addiction. I know there is a lot of stuff online about it. But to me it's a cop out for people to get away with cheating.

The MC told me I need to figure out if I want to R with him, but how can I when I feel dead inside? Hopeless?

I have nothing to say to him either. He has hurt me so badly. And the only reason he has is that he let himself get out of control and act stupidly.

He's sorry. He won't do it again. He loves me. Blah Blah Blah. How can I know for sure? How can I trust him ever again. How am I supposed to believe anything he says?

somanyyears posted 4/29/2013 16:51 PM

..sadly, after infidelity, we can't know anything about WS for sure any more!!

..tell him it could take years to get back any trust you may have had in him.

..if you EVER get it back at all..

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 8:56 PM, April 29th (Monday)]

Sal1995 posted 4/29/2013 16:57 PM

Sorry you are going through this nightmare, Butterfly. I'm only 71 days past discovery, trying to reconcile with my wife (10-month PA), and am no closer to answering those questions than you are.

I'm really starting to come around to the "work on yourself" mindset that prevails on this site. Because the truth is you really don't have any control over another person's choices and behaviors. You can't make sense of the senseless, but you can commit to becoming the best person you can possibly be.

Best wishes.

27yearsnowlost posted 4/29/2013 17:09 PM

So sorry you found your way here. My WH of 28 years also hire a person from craiglist for oral sex. I and 7 weeks from d day so I'm still new at all of this. I don't know what is real anymore. I not sure if I will ever know everything. All I can tell you is take it one day at a time.

There are a lot of supportive people on hear. I has helped me a lot.

Skan posted 4/29/2013 18:48 PM

Oh, I so totally hear you! I begged my FWH for sex, just to touch me. I wanted intimacy. I asked time and time again for him to put down the fucking computer, quit wanking off to internet sex, and come and get the real thing. I was desperate for his loving touch.

And he had sex with a stranger he met on-line instead.

From your date, you're not even one month out? Hell, I didn't want his touch at that point either. I couldn't even undress in front of him. I hid my body in baggy clothing. I was either so dead that I wandered around the house like a zombie or out of my head insanely in a rage! There was no in-between.

Just concentrate on getting through each day with enough food, hydration, and rest to keep your body together at this point. Be selfish do what YOU need to do to get through the days. Let him take care of himself he's a grown-up, he can act like one. You don't have to decide One Damned Thing right now. Read in The Healing Library (upper left corner, yellow box) if you haven't. Heck, read it again. Read the posts with bulls-eyes on this forum. Make sure that you get yourself STD/HIV tested and make sure he does the same, and then shows you the actual paper copies of the results because, well, liars lie.

And don't feel badly about not trusting him. He hasn't earned one bit of trust right now and won't until after months of trustworthy actions. The bank is empty. Don't feel pressured about having to make a firm decision about R. You can take all the time you need. If his A is a deal-breaker for you, then so be it. He chose the action, he has to accept the consequence. But don't feel that you HAVE to make a final decision until you know that it's correct for you. I promised that I would not divorce for a year, with the kickout clause that if it got too hard or if horrible new things came to light, I would re-evaluate that. And I didn't promise to stay after a year, only that I would not make an impulsive decision before then. This was solely for me so that I knew that I gave R a fair try. But you certainly dont have to do that.

Be kind to yourself. You need and deserve kindness right now. (((hugs)))