"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

changedibr posted 4/29/2013 14:56 PM

Hello I'm new to this website. It seems very useful. I've read posts from all different people and I thought I don't know why but that I would share my story. My story is fairly long so I will try my best to make it short. I will write it in 2 parts. Today part one and tomorrow part two

I was married years ago. I hated my wife and our life together. We had a boy together. I decided I will divorce this woman and move on and so I did. I put her on a plane back to her country and she took my son.

After that I bought a plane ticket to another country and married my current wife. I loved my current wife more than anything. I felt i was in hell with my exwife and my current wife was my angel. She was the greatest gift i was ever blessed with from God.

After a year I talked my ex wife and found out when she left she was pregnant with our second child a girl this time.

I convinced her to come to the country I was living in with my current wife so we could share custody. She came and we shared custody for a little but in the end I have the boy and she has the girl.

My current wife and son love each other as if they were blood related. My son didn't see me for one yer but when I picked him up from the airport he recognize dme right away. I took him home and introduced him to my new wife. He loved her right away. The next day I went to work and when I came ack he started calling her mommy without anyone telling him so. It's been six years now and he has completely forgotten my ex wife. He has no idea that she even exists and he thinks my current wife is his blood mother. Which is amazing. I owe her all th erespect in the world for taking care of my child but even more respect because I know she feels in her heart that he is hers.

Me and my wife have went through many tough times together. I loved my wife with all my heart. I used to tell her that I don't know why I'm so lucky God gave her to me. I loved her so much. We never even fought or anything. When she was down I would always be there to help her.

Then about 4 years ago I got a thought in my head and that's when I started to cheat. Before I explain the cheating I need to explain something else. We are or we were both very religious and that's one of the things we liked about each other. Religion meant so much to us. And it was actually during a very religious spiritual practice when I got this thought in my head. I couldn't believe I had this thought. I felt since it was such a holy time and I'm thinking like this I must be an ass. God doesn't really like me that much. Plus on top of this we had been blessed with having my daughter from my ex wife. You see how great my wife is? She was even willing to take care of my second child. In the end it didn't work out and we had to give back my daughter to her birth mother. But anyways. It was during a religious ceremony and I got this thought in my head. Part of the thought was I want to find another girl and have some fun. I tried to justify this thought by saying to myself you are finding another girl so you can find your daughter a new mother because your wife can't take care of your daughter too. This was partly true and partly a lie. I was thinking I could find a mother for my daughter but I was liking the idea of having another woman.

Anyways time passed and I spoke to a couple girls. One girl I was even suppossed to marry. I spoke to a few different girls. We went out to cafe's and talked etc. the girl I was suppossed to marry we kissed but not more ( which is a huge thing in our religion, there shouldn't be man female friends only marriage).

End of part one part two tomorrow

[This message edited by changedibr at 3:00 PM, April 29th (Monday)]

hardlessons posted 4/29/2013 19:09 PM

Hopefully part 2 you don't sound so flippant about what you did, anyways.

stilllovinghim posted 4/29/2013 21:53 PM

What country are you in and what religion do you practice? I'm asking simply for more of an understanding before I respond with any suggestions.

BrokenT posted 4/30/2013 05:00 AM

WS Only.

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 6:37 AM, April 30th (Tuesday)]

BaxtersBFF posted 4/30/2013 07:01 AM

changedibr,

I'm thinking like this I must be an ass. God doesn't really like me that much.

Can you explain this comment? Did you think that God put these thoughts in your head or that these thoughts were God's fault? or that he put these thoughts in your head and you thought, "Wow, I didn't know he liked me so much that he wants me to have an affair with OW?"

Because, when you follow it up with this

Part of the thought was I want to find another girl and have some fun.

it reveals that at some point in your life, even though you love your current wife, you thought it was fun to have an A. Which was very easily justified right out of the gate by trying to find a new mom for your DD.

Can I ask how your first M ended? You said you hated your first wife. What were the circumstances of that M ending?

changedibr posted 4/30/2013 15:55 PM

I'm sorry I didn't know I was sounding flippant.

I said I will post prt two today but I won't be doing that. I'm too busy reading frothe healing library. Amazing library by the way. I think some of the authors know me and could read my thoughts...

hardlessons posted 4/30/2013 16:28 PM

changedibr, I think that when you move people and children in and out of their lives at your whim with no regard for their sake, blame religion or how you hated your wife from years ago etc etc it is gonna sound flippant or something, that was the word that came to mind for me.

Absolutely the healing library has some great reading. Do you plan on seeing IC?