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Whatevs posted 4/29/2013 15:31 PM

I have a strong urge to contact the wife of my WW's AP. I have all of her contact info (she has a child in the same grade/school as mine---nice!)
My IC says that's "venturing off my side of the street" in 12-step parlance. Trusted friends say I have no idea what's going on over there and no idea what I might be starting/getting into. Not my business.
I'm 99% sure she knows at least that he cheated if not the particulars of with whom. Emails indicate that he told his W and they began separation/divorce. He broke it off with my W because she wouldn't do the same. He even gave my W a reference to his divorce attorney and custody mediator and a sample of their informal custody agreement to use when my wife moved out (too late/after he'd moved on to other women).
So, I think I would be doing it for the following reasons: to fill in any blanks for me and for her. For possible commiseration. Just to make sure everybody is being held entirely accountable.
Assuming she does know, is there any merit to going down that path?

Skan posted 4/29/2013 17:40 PM

I'd do it. To see about filling in blanks and to make sure of accountability. Now, she may not want to talk to you in which case, you need to respect that. However I sure would reach out. If you do, don't tell your WW that you're going to do it. Just do it.

LifeIsBroken posted 4/29/2013 21:24 PM

Sure wish someone had told me ! Why wouldn't an uninformed BS want to know ? Don't you wish someone had told you ? Tell. In my case, the bimbo's betrayed husband and I answered a LOT of questions for one another. Nearly 3 years later and we still talk occasionally. Tell. It's not much different than telling someone their house is on fire / again, wouldn't you want to be told ?

cheerless posted 4/29/2013 21:34 PM

Tell. In my case, the bimbo's betrayed husband and I answered a LOT of questions for one another.

Same! Knowledge is power. My WH and that bimbo kept all of us in the dark for years while they carried on their disgusting and selfish relationship.

OBS and I are finally in a position to make life decisions based on reality instead of false love and split affection and cruel deceit.

Please tell.

PanicAttack53 posted 4/29/2013 21:37 PM

I would do it... but only if using Skan's excellent format.

The most important being that she may not want to talk to you... or worse... even lash out at you as another cause for all her troubles. Just be hyper aware of that and prepared to back off if needed.

maxine1 posted 4/29/2013 23:32 PM

I did it several times, He was very glad I gave him all of the info on what his wife and my husband did. He had no idea she had another phone. She just kept denying everything, She claimed she did not do anything with him except call him, What a lair. Have no idea what they are up to now, haven't talked to him in 3 months, Don't care what they are doing. I still wish her dead.

5454real posted 4/29/2013 23:57 PM

Pardon me, but

My IC says that's "venturing off my side of the street" in 12-step parlance.

Your IC is wrong in this instance. Probably even telling you. you need to start letting this go. BS and I'm referring to Bovine Fecal Matter. From a purely physical standpoint, both HPV and HIV may lay dormant and undetectable for years. Condoms(if used, and I've not seen one here yet that they were used) offer little protection from some STD's, esp. HPV. She will be able to help confirm quantity/duration. She may be able to 'keep an eye out for further contact. She has a right to know. Don't assume anything.

In short, there are too many upsides to telling her.

Strength.

Happydays posted 4/30/2013 00:07 AM

Hi you should contact the OBS.
She has a right to know.
Don't tell your WW that your going to out it.
Be a gentle messenger and see if you can get all the answers.

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