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Newest Member: Alleycats (61167)

User Topic: She says she got an apartment!
♂ 37322
Member # 37322
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's too early to cheer because anything can still happen at this point but i have a sort of nervous excitement about this!

She just told me on Friday that she found a place in town and she should be moving out by the end of May/beginning of June. This in-home separation has been killing me and my ability to heal so this is a huge step in my recovery.

Since she'll be moving out we need to seriously discuss co-parenting arrangements. We have a court date next month to go over a few things but she has said on more than one occasion that she would rather get it all done through a mediator instead of lawyers. She could rescind the petition just by going back to the courthouse and telling them so but i'm not so sure if that's a good idea anymore..

She wants to switch off every two days. Mon/Tues with her, Wed/Thurs with me, etc. Then alternate weekends with Friday/Sat/Sun. Personally i think that's too frequent and will put DS through a lot of back and forth. I would prefer the 4/3 split i hear most people do.

She and i definitely have some talking to do sometime real soon. It's a shame, i was kinda enjoying the 180 lately, freeing up some mental space and not dealing with her lies and bullshit has been nice.

The only real downside to her moving out is that i won't get to catch glimpses of her naked anymore. Studying her body used to be one of my favorite pastimes. Bleh, stop it. 180. NC. Baseball. Cold showers.


D-Day: 8/27/12
Me: BBF (29)
WXGF: Confused26 (27) EA/PA with xBF, lasted almost a year. TT, blameshifting, gaslighting, & broken NC for 10 months.
DS: 3
Together 5 years

3+ years later and I am doing great! Hell of a ride but well worth it.

Posts: 318 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: New England
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DS is only 2, that's really too much switching for a little guy. He really needs to stay with his primary care-giver (don't know who that is in your sitch) so that he can develop the ability to form attachments in adulthood. Does your state suggest parenting guidelines for a child his age? You may want to use those to reach a more stable arrangement for DS.

Someone who has been in this situation I'm sure will be along shortly.
I used the primary caregiver argument to get full physical custody of my son...ex-shat didn't fight me on it either.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jan 2012
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have 50/50 custody in the agreement. My kids are older 6 and 8 but we agreed on 1 week intervals, sounds like a training regimen, with the week beginning and ending on Friday's. Each parent gets weekend time if they wish it and switch offs are at the end of the school week. I am sure others will be along with advice soon.

at the body comment. No matter how hot your spouse is if they are unremorseful, then the more you detach the uglier they get. You no longer see them it's more you see through them. You see who they really are. At least that's how it is for me.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 7:52 PM, April 29th (Monday)]

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 2201 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to sneak peeks at STBXH and he doesn't believe me!

He's changed so much that now he isn't attractive to me anymore, but for 20 years he was the only man on the planet I noticed or saw in "that way".

There's a lot of detatching to do during separation/divorce I'm learning, besides just detatching from the person. Detatching from my own thoughts of him is one of the difficult parts and realizing that he is not who he was.

The post about your wife getting uglier is one I agree with, though all are good, because I too was attracted to Perv long after he left. The mind movies and possiblity of STDs helped curb those thoughts, though.

And the "many fish in the sea" adage seems fitting.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ 1330
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My kids (now in their twenties) HATED going back and forth and they were primarily with me. They still hate it. My youngest may do week on/week off this summer, but she works retail, so she may do what works with her schedule (I'm a lot closer to her job than her dad is). We shall see.

I would recommend whatever disrupts the child's routine the least.


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 31213 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only real downside to her moving out is that i won't get to catch glimpses of her naked anymore. Once you are more detached, you won't see her that way. I was like Ashland13 and I thought my husband was the best looking man ever and I couldn't figure out why other women didn't hit on him. Seeing him now, I barf a bit in my mouth and I am embarrassed that I once thought he was so handsome. Ewww! Yuck!

Posts: 2868 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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